Report from the Nachoman's hiatus -- the art of bad punning

Yes, the Nachoman takes his yearly hiatus from early September, when the New Boys arrive at Woodberry*, until the intense fall schedule dies down in November or December. That's why you won't see regular posting for a while.

But that doesn't mean that the Nachoman doesn't keep up with playoff baseball. Congratulations to the Devil Rays and Wife Beaters**, who start the World Series after bedtime on Wednesday night.

This morning, I perused the major internet sports sites for reaction to the Devil Rays victory. Nearly universally, it seems, these sites hire the nerdy "I'm smarter than the teacher" kid from Mrs. Johnson's seventh grade class -- you know, the one whose parents make sure he gets to skip spelling lessons every week to go to Gifted Ed -- to write their headlines. We had:

Amazing Rays
Rays the Roof
Happy Rays
Hip Hip Hoo-Rays
Hoo-Ray

Apparently, just "Rays Win" or "Rays Beat Sox, Series Bound" doesn't cut it any more.

Congrats to the St. Petersburg Times for the simple headline, "We Did It!" Of course, the pronoun "We" implies that the Times, and their readers as well, somehow contributed to the Rays pennant. Nevertheless, I'll take that any day before the onslaught of bad punning.

So enjoy the World Series. Only a few more Rays of baseball left this season.

Groan.

-- NM


* The Nachoman's day job is as a physics teacher and football coach at a boys' boarding school.
** Even though I lived in Philadelphia for four years, I can't root for a team that employs Bret Myers. Kinda like I have to disown the Bengals this year for hiring Chris Henry and the rest of Cell Block E.

Ribbie Reporter: October Baseball

Ah, it's October 1, meaning that my annual GPA slump has officially begun. My teachers at Woodberry have known about this since 2003, when I spent October camped in Mr. Keating's living room and watching Aaron Boone's Game 7 homer in the ALCS in a silent commons room. Why was it silent? Well, Haynes David and I had sneaked down there after lights out and didn't dare turn on the volume for fear of waking up a prefect or duty master. Mr. Parker was initially worried about my GPA, but after I successfully managed to study for his vocabulary quizzes while watching the Sox play, his concerns abated. Things were better in 2004, when I could just go downstairs to Mr. Keating's apartment and watch the games without ever having to sneak off of the dorm.
There's a new problem this year: for the first time in 21 seasons, I can legally purchase beer, allowing me to combine not one, but TWO American pastimes. And my roommate, Chris, is a slightly obnoxious Red Sox fan, so I need beer if I'm going to watch any games with him.

In any event, I wanted to share this text message exchange I had with my dad during the early innings of the Cubs game (if you didn't know, he holds lingering Cubs loyalty from his childhood days when the KC A's were a joke under Finley. This loyalty grew deeper during his years in Chicago after college).

Ribbie Reporter: You watching the Cubs?
Burnt End Bomber: Nope, going to choir practice.
Ribbie Reporter: But aren't the Cubs a religion too? And one that requires a lot of faith?
Burnt End Bomber: Yeah, but remember when I worshipped there in 1984 Leon Durham burned the church.
Ribbie Reporter: Where does Bartman rank? Prince Of Darkness
Burnt End Bomber: (No response)

Yep... I think that sums up the Cubs for us. We haven't even gotten into the pagan rituals (see Goat, Billy and exploding the Bartman ball), the '69 collapse and more.

I love baseball.