Spring Training 2009

Welcome back, Nachoman! I'm still technically on hiatus, because the Fundamental Thesis of Nachodom states that a baseball writer should primarily discuss baseball games. (Imagine that.) Since actual games don't begin until early April, my hiatus will end then.

Nevertheless, I'll start writing again now. I'm on spring break, which means I only have 50 rather than 500 other things going on. More importantly, the family -- Burrito Girl, the Nachoboy, and I -- is about to embark on an odyssey to Cardinals spring training in Jupiter, FL. We pick up the Nachoboy after school on Friday, drive for two straight days, and we'll be ensconced amongst the Cards fans.

Perhaps the highlight of our trip is that we will be driving past the McDonald's on US 1 in Fort Pierce. This is the very McDonald's made famous by Ms. Latreasa Goodman, who called 911 three times because the restaurant was out of Chicken McNuggets. "This is an emergency," she told the operator. "If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one. This is an emergency." Ms. Goodman, of course, was charged with misusing the 911 system.

Clearly, this woman has the brains of a McNugget. Problem is, upon further investigation, we can find out that the McDonald's cashier has merely the brains of the barbecue dipping sauce. A couple of days after the initial news reports, the full story came out: when Ms. Goodman requested her money back because of the lack of McNuggets, the cashier refused. The cashier stated that all sales were final, and that Ms. Goodman had no choice but to order something different. In Ms. Goodman's mind, the McDonald's was stealing her money... so she called 911 like she would on any other thief. McDonald's has subsequently issued a public apology and refunded Ms. Goodman's money.

Perhaps the greatest part of the story is the news coverage. Some sites, like the Palm Beach channel 12 page linked above, treated the story as humorous throughout. Their lede: "You could say she flew into a 'McFury' "

Others tried to maintain a dignified tone throughout their article, but used subtle barbs, as on the Washington, DC Fox News site: "The situation was so dire that she called three times in order to get help."

Then there are the sites who try to fill out their otherwise-straight report with further information, such as the following from the trail end of the article on WPTV.com: "McNuggets, introduced to the McDonald’s national menu in 1983, are sold in more than 100 countries and, unlike the McDouble, are often dunked in barbecue or hot mustard sauce."

And finally, lest you think that Ms. Goodman is a unique resident of the Sunshine State, The Smoking Gun reports: "Last month, a Florida man was arrested after he called 911 to complain about his displeasure with a Burger King combo meal."

With apologies to deadspin commentator Chamomiles Davis: Can we just pretend that this story ends with Ms. Goodman driving a stolen golf cart into a pond and being devoured by an alligator? Then this story about Florida Hijinks would be complete.

And yet it is into McNuggetless Florida that I lead my family. I'll send updates.