We’ll begin not with the Dodgers or the Yankees, but with the other end of major league baseball.
I was a bit sad that I had to miss the Woodberry Forest varsity baseball banquet on Tuesday night. I had already been scheduled to work the Pirates-Nationals game for STATS. I bemoaned the quality of my assigned game to El Molé, but he took an optimistic attitude: “At least it will be an even match,” he said.
And it was – the Gnats came back to tie the game in the 9th, but the Pirates won in the 10th.
Adam Dunn made a play!
In the first inning Tuesday, Nate McLouth crushed a ball down the first base line, the wind held it up, and it looked like a sure double. But, here came Adam Dunn, reaching up and then back behind him, making the catch – An awkward catch, to be sure, but a catch. When Mr. Dunn was with the Reds, I used to cringe on every ball hit his way. But Tuesday, Dunn made a total of three above-average-difficulty plays in right field. Even a blind nut finds a squirrel once in a while. Or something like that.
Color me surprised
I continue to enjoy listening to Rob Dibble on Nats broadcasts, and not just because he tells stories about the 1990 Reds. On Tuesday, Pirates leadoff hitter Nyjer Morgan started the game with a double off of rookie Shairon Martis. Mr. Morgan’s slugging percentage of .370 should not scare anyone. So, as Mr. Dibble pointed out, why throw a changeup to him? That just sped up Morgan’s bat, and resulted in a hard liner.
Thursday night marked Brave pitcher Kris Medlen’s first start. This gentleman had been known in the minor leagues for his command, his ability to pitch to contact successfully. In spots, Mr. Medlen showed just why scouts were so high on him. Problem was, in the fourth inning, Medlen suddenly lost all semblance of control. He gave up a leadoff hit, walked the bases loaded, and then hit a batter. (As if things could be any worse, the batter he hit was the opposing pitcher.) Bobby Cox slapped Mr. Medlen on the butt and wished him good evening.
“So, what is Kris Medlen’s personal quirk,” you ask, and I’m glad you did. He wore the bill of his hat flat, not rounded, so that one could (in principle) balance a cup of coffee on it. Interestingly, SportSouth showed Medlen’s parents in the stands during the game. While mom looked normal, Dad wore his cap just like his son’s: the bill was parallel with the earth.
I thought I was done with Adam
Now that he’s no longer with the Reds, I thought I was through watching Adam Dunn’s unwillingness to cut down his swing in an RBI situation… but no. With the game tied, runner on second base, and one out in the ninth, Dunn had two chances to hit 3-2 pitches. All he needed was a base hit to win the game – “just make contact, Adam, just make contact!” said I. I might as well have been vicariously shouting for Travis Henry to use birth control.
Yes, I have heard all the arguments that despite all the strikeouts, Adam Dunn is a valuable hitter. I agree, generally. Strikeouts usually hurt less than people think, if the alternative is frequently a home run or a double. Problem is, good players adjust their approach to the game situation. Either Mr. Dunn is incapable of shortening his stroke for the purpose of making contact – in which case he isn’t nearly as good as he thinks he is – or, he’s too stubborn. Either way, and coupled with his general defensive ineptitude, I don’t want Adam Dunn on any major league team that I root for.
Awesome!
As of Tuesday, the Nats had scored at least 5 runs in 10 straight games.
But they still stink
The Gnats are 1-9 in those games.
The hurtin’ Mets
Injuries forced three starters out of the Mets lineup for Monday’s game in Los Angeles. The Mets started Ramon Martinez instead of Jose Reyes at short; Angel Pagan instead of Gary Sheffield or Daniel Murphy in left; Fernando Tatis at first instead of Carlos Delgado.
Mr. Tatis went 0-5. Mr. Martinez made two errors at short and went 0-5 at the plate. Mr. Pagan had a good night offensively, going 4-6, but contributed to a critical misplay in the bottom of the 11th – he failed to yield to his centerfielder, who (according to Carlos Beltran’s postgame quotes) called for the ball six times.
As if that weren’t enough, Jeremy Reed entered the game as a pinch hitter, and took over for Mr. Tatis at first base. In the bottom of the 11th, after the Pagan misplay that was scored as a Beltran error, the Mets had their chance to get out of the inning. With one out and the bases loaded, a grounder to Reed could have been an easy double play ball, or at least a fielder’s choice at home. But Mr. Reed threw wide to home… fifth Mets error on the night, and ballgame.
As if THAT weren’t enough, check out the TOP of the 11th inning. Ryan Church singled with two outs, then came around to score on a Pagan triple. BUT WAIT! Church failed to touch third base. Take a look at this excellent screen shot of third base umpire Mike DiMuro watching Mr. Church round third. A Dodger appeal nullified the run and ended the inning. AARRGH, said Mets fans. Their starters can’t come back soon enough.
The continuing saga
The Mets picked up right where they left off on Tuesday – left fielder Daniel Murphy got picked off to end the top of the first, then dropped a fly ball to allow a leadoff baserunner in the bottom of the first. Final score: 5-3 Dodgers.
Epilogue
Murphy was moved to first base for Wednesday’s game.
I will not discuss the sausage race this week
After the 4th inning of all home games, the Nationals stage a Presidents Race, which is eerily reminiscent of the Milwaukee Sausage Race: four presidents with enormous foam heads run around the stadium. On Tuesday night, the race was a relay involving both Presidents and Pirogies.[1] A pirogue tripped over a hurdle, allowing a determined George Washington to pass the pirogue and cruise to victory.
Creepy clickable advertisements
I was a bit sad that I had to miss the Woodberry Forest varsity baseball banquet on Tuesday night. I had already been scheduled to work the Pirates-Nationals game for STATS. I bemoaned the quality of my assigned game to El Molé, but he took an optimistic attitude: “At least it will be an even match,” he said.
And it was – the Gnats came back to tie the game in the 9th, but the Pirates won in the 10th.
Adam Dunn made a play!
In the first inning Tuesday, Nate McLouth crushed a ball down the first base line, the wind held it up, and it looked like a sure double. But, here came Adam Dunn, reaching up and then back behind him, making the catch – An awkward catch, to be sure, but a catch. When Mr. Dunn was with the Reds, I used to cringe on every ball hit his way. But Tuesday, Dunn made a total of three above-average-difficulty plays in right field. Even a blind nut finds a squirrel once in a while. Or something like that.
Color me surprised
I continue to enjoy listening to Rob Dibble on Nats broadcasts, and not just because he tells stories about the 1990 Reds. On Tuesday, Pirates leadoff hitter Nyjer Morgan started the game with a double off of rookie Shairon Martis. Mr. Morgan’s slugging percentage of .370 should not scare anyone. So, as Mr. Dibble pointed out, why throw a changeup to him? That just sped up Morgan’s bat, and resulted in a hard liner.
Thursday night marked Brave pitcher Kris Medlen’s first start. This gentleman had been known in the minor leagues for his command, his ability to pitch to contact successfully. In spots, Mr. Medlen showed just why scouts were so high on him. Problem was, in the fourth inning, Medlen suddenly lost all semblance of control. He gave up a leadoff hit, walked the bases loaded, and then hit a batter. (As if things could be any worse, the batter he hit was the opposing pitcher.) Bobby Cox slapped Mr. Medlen on the butt and wished him good evening.
“So, what is Kris Medlen’s personal quirk,” you ask, and I’m glad you did. He wore the bill of his hat flat, not rounded, so that one could (in principle) balance a cup of coffee on it. Interestingly, SportSouth showed Medlen’s parents in the stands during the game. While mom looked normal, Dad wore his cap just like his son’s: the bill was parallel with the earth.
I thought I was done with Adam
Now that he’s no longer with the Reds, I thought I was through watching Adam Dunn’s unwillingness to cut down his swing in an RBI situation… but no. With the game tied, runner on second base, and one out in the ninth, Dunn had two chances to hit 3-2 pitches. All he needed was a base hit to win the game – “just make contact, Adam, just make contact!” said I. I might as well have been vicariously shouting for Travis Henry to use birth control.
Yes, I have heard all the arguments that despite all the strikeouts, Adam Dunn is a valuable hitter. I agree, generally. Strikeouts usually hurt less than people think, if the alternative is frequently a home run or a double. Problem is, good players adjust their approach to the game situation. Either Mr. Dunn is incapable of shortening his stroke for the purpose of making contact – in which case he isn’t nearly as good as he thinks he is – or, he’s too stubborn. Either way, and coupled with his general defensive ineptitude, I don’t want Adam Dunn on any major league team that I root for.
Awesome!
As of Tuesday, the Nats had scored at least 5 runs in 10 straight games.
But they still stink
The Gnats are 1-9 in those games.
The hurtin’ Mets
Injuries forced three starters out of the Mets lineup for Monday’s game in Los Angeles. The Mets started Ramon Martinez instead of Jose Reyes at short; Angel Pagan instead of Gary Sheffield or Daniel Murphy in left; Fernando Tatis at first instead of Carlos Delgado.
Mr. Tatis went 0-5. Mr. Martinez made two errors at short and went 0-5 at the plate. Mr. Pagan had a good night offensively, going 4-6, but contributed to a critical misplay in the bottom of the 11th – he failed to yield to his centerfielder, who (according to Carlos Beltran’s postgame quotes) called for the ball six times.
As if that weren’t enough, Jeremy Reed entered the game as a pinch hitter, and took over for Mr. Tatis at first base. In the bottom of the 11th, after the Pagan misplay that was scored as a Beltran error, the Mets had their chance to get out of the inning. With one out and the bases loaded, a grounder to Reed could have been an easy double play ball, or at least a fielder’s choice at home. But Mr. Reed threw wide to home… fifth Mets error on the night, and ballgame.
As if THAT weren’t enough, check out the TOP of the 11th inning. Ryan Church singled with two outs, then came around to score on a Pagan triple. BUT WAIT! Church failed to touch third base. Take a look at this excellent screen shot of third base umpire Mike DiMuro watching Mr. Church round third. A Dodger appeal nullified the run and ended the inning. AARRGH, said Mets fans. Their starters can’t come back soon enough.
The continuing saga
The Mets picked up right where they left off on Tuesday – left fielder Daniel Murphy got picked off to end the top of the first, then dropped a fly ball to allow a leadoff baserunner in the bottom of the first. Final score: 5-3 Dodgers.
Epilogue
Murphy was moved to first base for Wednesday’s game.
I will not discuss the sausage race this week
After the 4th inning of all home games, the Nationals stage a Presidents Race, which is eerily reminiscent of the Milwaukee Sausage Race: four presidents with enormous foam heads run around the stadium. On Tuesday night, the race was a relay involving both Presidents and Pirogies.[1] A pirogue tripped over a hurdle, allowing a determined George Washington to pass the pirogue and cruise to victory.
Creepy clickable advertisements
I’m becoming increasingly annoyed at the online clickable ads tailored to a specific location. Somehow, no doubt using the kind of “cookie” you can’t eat, various websites know that I live in Woodberry Forest, Virginia. And the ads that I see, in principle, can be adjusted based on where I live.
Problem is, these ads are woefully uncreative, dishonest, and downright creepy. It’s one thing to put up an ad for a blues club on Rush Street for someone in a Chicagoland zip code, or to keep Carl’s Junior ads confined to the west coast. It’s simply stupid to create an ad with a fill-in-the-blank for a city: “Our internet-based or nationally known company has special deals for people in Kokomo, Indiana this week!”
This latter approach is what I see most of the time. Thing is, Woodberry Forest is a “town” consisting of about 40 families. Though we’re technically a town with our own zip code, really we’re a boys’ boarding school, where the faculty live on campus with our families. I know every person who lives on campus; I see most of them every day, even sometimes in the summer. Everyone who lives here is either a faculty member, a faculty spouse, or a faculty child.
So, I see, on mainstream websites such as yahoo.com and usatoday.com:
“Woodberry Forest mom lost jiggly fat. See how a mom dropped 43 pounds of fat and kept it off.” – no, I and my wife would have noticed if there were (a) a Woodberry Forest mom who lost 43 pounds, or (b) a Woodberry Forest mom who even had 43 extra pounds to lose.
“Woodberry Forest Man makes $10,000 a month. ‘I got fired! I now earn more than my old boss!’” No, if you got fired from Woodberry, you don’t live here anymore. And I would now be asking this person for money if he or she existed.
“Meet Woodberry Forest singles!” By the picture of the sultry and scantily clad young lady included with this ad, it is referring to “singles” of the female variety.[2] Problem is, there are no female singles of marriageable age who would list their hometown as Woodberry Forest, Virginia. There are three high school girls in our “town,” as well as a gaggle of little girls. The (six-year-old) Nachoboy and I have already met each of these girls, so we have no need for an introduction service.
Help prevent the scourge of bootleg prayer crosses
An ad during Spongebob Squarepants promoted the “prayer cross,” a spiritual as well as a jewelry accessory. When held to the light, the words of the Lord’s Prayer “almost miraculously” appear. Each prayer cross comes with a money back guarantee, presumably if the appearance of the prayer is not quite miraculous.
Each also comes with a “certificate of authenticity.” What, is it signed by God himself?
BOUX to MASN
In between innings, their perky sideline reporter conducted an interview with Adam Dunn’s mom. Let me repeat #44 of Nachoman’s 99 Baseball Theses[3]: during a game, it is inappropriate EVER to interview ANY relative of a player who sits in the stands. We tuned in to watch a game, not the Oprah Winfrey show. (You want to talk to Mrs. Dunn in the pregame or postgame, okay, fine with me, but not during the game.)
Double BOUX to SportSouth
…whose perky sideline reporter conducted an in-game interview with Kris Medlen’s parents. Double BOUX for extending the interview while game action was going on! Aargh!
Good catch by plate umpire Bob Davidson
In the 3rd inning on Thursday, Yunel Escobar grounded out. The bat flipped out of Mr. Escobar’s hands, and landed in Bob Davidson’s lap. Mr. Davidson juggled the crazily spinning bat, and finally held on while he sported a bemused look on his face. Replays showed Mr. Davidson angrily gesturing at Mr. Escobar upon returning the bat. Braves announcers noted that this was not the first time umpires or opponents have gotten angry about Escobar’s bad bat-dropping habits.
Just pencil in the 4-3 and be done with it
Aaron Cook, the Rockies sinkerballer, pitched against the Braves on Thursday night. He faced 32 batters, of whom 23 hit the ball on the ground. Of these grounders, 3 were hits, 20 were outs. Second baseman Clint Barmes had 10 assists.
The Braves broadcasters mentioned a deal an old timey pitching coach used to make with his pitchers: get 18 ground ball outs, and he’d buy the pitcher a suit. Nowadays pitchers can generally afford their own formalwear, but I still suggest that someone in Rockies management owes Mr. Cook a dashing outfit in recognition of Thursday’s outing.
I will check, Mr. Meek, whether you bring up your “holds” at your next contract negotiations.
Evan Meek of the Pirates entered Tuesday’s gamein the 7th with a one run lead. Right off the bat he went 3-0 to Christian Guzman, the Gnats leadoff hitter. Guzman ended up walking. A double play ball followed – phew. The next two batters walked. Mr. Meek barely escaped by inducing a deep fly out.
But he gets a “hold,” the most useless statistic in baseball, because he didn’t give up the lead. It’s not like he didn’t make every attempt to let the Gnats tie the game. Therefore, Mr. Meek, you earn the Nachoman’s Stinky Cheese award. Next time you plan on walking three batters in an inning, do it when I’m not watching.
I want to see clean innings from a closer
Kerry Wood blew a game for Cleveland on Tuesday. He entered in the 9th with a three run lead, but then he allowed the Royals two homers, a walk, a triple, and a game winning sac fly. He stinks, right?
Well, on that night, certainly. And it’s quite possible that Mr. Wood is truly washed up, no good, or whatever. But let’s look deeper at his 13 appearances as of Wednesday. Six of those thirteen appearances have been completely “clean,” meaning no hits or walks allowed. Granted, that’s a crude statistic – one of Mr. Wood’s appearances was for just one batter. I propose that a “closer,” whose job it is to get just a few critical outs in tight games, should more often than not get the opposition out 1-2-3. Despite Mr. Wood’s self-destruction on Tuesday and despite his high ERA, the number of clean innings he’s thrown stacks up against some other, similarly-used relievers. I tested my proposition by looking at some other teams’ closers.
Brad Lidge, PHI: 3 of 19 clean appearances
Francisco Cordero, CIN: 4 of 16 clean
Mariano Rivera, NYY: 3 of 16 clean
Kevin Gregg, CHC: 4 of 19 clean
Jonathan Broxton, LA: 10 of 18 clean
Francisco Rodriguez, 7 of 19 clean
Heath Bell, NL saves leader: 7 of 16 clean
This is just a sampling, but I submit that so far this year, Mr. Broxton has clearly outperformed Mssrs. Cordero and Rivera and Gregg and Lidge, and Mr. Wood’s performance hasn’t been that far outside the norm. Sure, I haven’t looked up exactly what happened in those games in which Mr. Broxton gave up hits or walks – perhaps Mr. Cordero or Mr. Wood did a much better job stranding those baserunners. I’m just saying that Mr. Broxton usually doesn’t even have to worry about baserunners. He shuts the opponents down for (usually) one inning, which is exactly what a closer is supposed to do.
But should she even want her tooth back?
Deadspin reports about the woman who got stuck in a Citi Field Toilet. She dropped her gold tooth in the commode, reached in to retrieve it, and got stuck. Plumbers had to be called to disengage the poor lady. The question is, would you put an item in your mouth after it had spent time in a stadium potty?
I’m reminded of Weird Al Yankovic’s famous song lyric: “I’d rather clean all the toilets / in Grand Central Station with my tongue / than spend one more minute with you.”
Barry Zito has first successful outings since the Clinton Administration
Mr. Zito started the year with two outings that must be described as complete crap. But since then, three of his six starts have been Nachoman Quality Starts, with only one subpar game thrown in. On Tuesday night, he went 8 innings, giving up just two runs, but still took the loss.
Is he worth the $200 million or so that he signed for a couple of years ago? No. Has he been solid this year? Well, since Aprill 22, he’s pitched well. Credit should be given where credit is due, even if it does seem that Mr. Zito is robbing the Giants blind by underperforming his contract. Remember, it takes two to dupe: one unscrupulous agent to dupe, and one credulous GM to be duped. Don’t blame Mr. Zito for accepting a dumptruck full of money.
Sporcle
Thanks to my physics teaching colleague Jacob Sargent, I discovered a wonderful time waster the other day: sporcle.com. This site provides “quizzes” in electronic format suitable for communal play. For example, I had some time left with my seniors in the last class on the last day of school. Most had finished their assignment. What did I do? I brought up the sporcle quiz in which we were given 16 minutes to name the artist responsible for each of the top 100 songs of the 1980s. With everyone shouting out ideas, we got 70% of the answers right. (They then demanded the 1990s game, and several students stayed late to finish.)
The site is captivating, especially if you’re wasting time in a group setting. Try pressing “random game” to see what’s available. On dorm duty Wednesday night I checked out a few random games, and found: “Can you name the players listed in the Mitchell Report?”
Thing is, I had all kinds of trouble. I only got 9 out of 86!
Perhaps most interesting about the quiz is the results page. More than 12,000 people have taken the quiz. So, which player named in the Mitchell Report do you think was guessed successfully most often? Think about it…
Answer: Roger Clemens, guessed correctly by nearly 80% of the quiz-takers. Barry Bonds was guessed second most often, and he only got 70% of the popular vote. How can you not immediately connect “Barry Bonds” and “Mitchell Report?”
Slip of the tongue, but for the first time all year
At the boarding school where I work, each hall is assigned a 12th grader to serve as prefect. The prefect is responsible for maintaining order and cleanliness.[4] The prefect on the bottom floor of the dorm I work on is named Ford Schwing.
You may recall the Hitchiker’s Guide trilogy[5] by Douglas Adams. This series was a cult classic from back when I was in elementary school. A major character was Beteljuician Ford Prefect. For the first time all year, tonight I slipped up by asking a student if he had seen “Ford Prefect” rather than “Ford Schwing” or “the downstairs prefect.” I’m surprised I made it the whole year without that mistake.
Next week
There SHOULD be a column, assuming I survive this afternoon. The six-year-old of “real burp or fake burp?” The good news is, when he noted that one of his burps was both real and fake, he listened attentively to a discussion of quantum superposition states.
Problem is, these ads are woefully uncreative, dishonest, and downright creepy. It’s one thing to put up an ad for a blues club on Rush Street for someone in a Chicagoland zip code, or to keep Carl’s Junior ads confined to the west coast. It’s simply stupid to create an ad with a fill-in-the-blank for a city: “Our internet-based or nationally known company has special deals for people in Kokomo, Indiana this week!”
This latter approach is what I see most of the time. Thing is, Woodberry Forest is a “town” consisting of about 40 families. Though we’re technically a town with our own zip code, really we’re a boys’ boarding school, where the faculty live on campus with our families. I know every person who lives on campus; I see most of them every day, even sometimes in the summer. Everyone who lives here is either a faculty member, a faculty spouse, or a faculty child.
So, I see, on mainstream websites such as yahoo.com and usatoday.com:
“Woodberry Forest mom lost jiggly fat. See how a mom dropped 43 pounds of fat and kept it off.” – no, I and my wife would have noticed if there were (a) a Woodberry Forest mom who lost 43 pounds, or (b) a Woodberry Forest mom who even had 43 extra pounds to lose.
“Woodberry Forest Man makes $10,000 a month. ‘I got fired! I now earn more than my old boss!’” No, if you got fired from Woodberry, you don’t live here anymore. And I would now be asking this person for money if he or she existed.
“Meet Woodberry Forest singles!” By the picture of the sultry and scantily clad young lady included with this ad, it is referring to “singles” of the female variety.[2] Problem is, there are no female singles of marriageable age who would list their hometown as Woodberry Forest, Virginia. There are three high school girls in our “town,” as well as a gaggle of little girls. The (six-year-old) Nachoboy and I have already met each of these girls, so we have no need for an introduction service.
Help prevent the scourge of bootleg prayer crosses
An ad during Spongebob Squarepants promoted the “prayer cross,” a spiritual as well as a jewelry accessory. When held to the light, the words of the Lord’s Prayer “almost miraculously” appear. Each prayer cross comes with a money back guarantee, presumably if the appearance of the prayer is not quite miraculous.
Each also comes with a “certificate of authenticity.” What, is it signed by God himself?
BOUX to MASN
In between innings, their perky sideline reporter conducted an interview with Adam Dunn’s mom. Let me repeat #44 of Nachoman’s 99 Baseball Theses[3]: during a game, it is inappropriate EVER to interview ANY relative of a player who sits in the stands. We tuned in to watch a game, not the Oprah Winfrey show. (You want to talk to Mrs. Dunn in the pregame or postgame, okay, fine with me, but not during the game.)
Double BOUX to SportSouth
…whose perky sideline reporter conducted an in-game interview with Kris Medlen’s parents. Double BOUX for extending the interview while game action was going on! Aargh!
Good catch by plate umpire Bob Davidson
In the 3rd inning on Thursday, Yunel Escobar grounded out. The bat flipped out of Mr. Escobar’s hands, and landed in Bob Davidson’s lap. Mr. Davidson juggled the crazily spinning bat, and finally held on while he sported a bemused look on his face. Replays showed Mr. Davidson angrily gesturing at Mr. Escobar upon returning the bat. Braves announcers noted that this was not the first time umpires or opponents have gotten angry about Escobar’s bad bat-dropping habits.
Just pencil in the 4-3 and be done with it
Aaron Cook, the Rockies sinkerballer, pitched against the Braves on Thursday night. He faced 32 batters, of whom 23 hit the ball on the ground. Of these grounders, 3 were hits, 20 were outs. Second baseman Clint Barmes had 10 assists.
The Braves broadcasters mentioned a deal an old timey pitching coach used to make with his pitchers: get 18 ground ball outs, and he’d buy the pitcher a suit. Nowadays pitchers can generally afford their own formalwear, but I still suggest that someone in Rockies management owes Mr. Cook a dashing outfit in recognition of Thursday’s outing.
I will check, Mr. Meek, whether you bring up your “holds” at your next contract negotiations.
Evan Meek of the Pirates entered Tuesday’s gamein the 7th with a one run lead. Right off the bat he went 3-0 to Christian Guzman, the Gnats leadoff hitter. Guzman ended up walking. A double play ball followed – phew. The next two batters walked. Mr. Meek barely escaped by inducing a deep fly out.
But he gets a “hold,” the most useless statistic in baseball, because he didn’t give up the lead. It’s not like he didn’t make every attempt to let the Gnats tie the game. Therefore, Mr. Meek, you earn the Nachoman’s Stinky Cheese award. Next time you plan on walking three batters in an inning, do it when I’m not watching.
I want to see clean innings from a closer
Kerry Wood blew a game for Cleveland on Tuesday. He entered in the 9th with a three run lead, but then he allowed the Royals two homers, a walk, a triple, and a game winning sac fly. He stinks, right?
Well, on that night, certainly. And it’s quite possible that Mr. Wood is truly washed up, no good, or whatever. But let’s look deeper at his 13 appearances as of Wednesday. Six of those thirteen appearances have been completely “clean,” meaning no hits or walks allowed. Granted, that’s a crude statistic – one of Mr. Wood’s appearances was for just one batter. I propose that a “closer,” whose job it is to get just a few critical outs in tight games, should more often than not get the opposition out 1-2-3. Despite Mr. Wood’s self-destruction on Tuesday and despite his high ERA, the number of clean innings he’s thrown stacks up against some other, similarly-used relievers. I tested my proposition by looking at some other teams’ closers.
Brad Lidge, PHI: 3 of 19 clean appearances
Francisco Cordero, CIN: 4 of 16 clean
Mariano Rivera, NYY: 3 of 16 clean
Kevin Gregg, CHC: 4 of 19 clean
Jonathan Broxton, LA: 10 of 18 clean
Francisco Rodriguez, 7 of 19 clean
Heath Bell, NL saves leader: 7 of 16 clean
This is just a sampling, but I submit that so far this year, Mr. Broxton has clearly outperformed Mssrs. Cordero and Rivera and Gregg and Lidge, and Mr. Wood’s performance hasn’t been that far outside the norm. Sure, I haven’t looked up exactly what happened in those games in which Mr. Broxton gave up hits or walks – perhaps Mr. Cordero or Mr. Wood did a much better job stranding those baserunners. I’m just saying that Mr. Broxton usually doesn’t even have to worry about baserunners. He shuts the opponents down for (usually) one inning, which is exactly what a closer is supposed to do.
But should she even want her tooth back?
Deadspin reports about the woman who got stuck in a Citi Field Toilet. She dropped her gold tooth in the commode, reached in to retrieve it, and got stuck. Plumbers had to be called to disengage the poor lady. The question is, would you put an item in your mouth after it had spent time in a stadium potty?
I’m reminded of Weird Al Yankovic’s famous song lyric: “I’d rather clean all the toilets / in Grand Central Station with my tongue / than spend one more minute with you.”
Barry Zito has first successful outings since the Clinton Administration
Mr. Zito started the year with two outings that must be described as complete crap. But since then, three of his six starts have been Nachoman Quality Starts, with only one subpar game thrown in. On Tuesday night, he went 8 innings, giving up just two runs, but still took the loss.
Is he worth the $200 million or so that he signed for a couple of years ago? No. Has he been solid this year? Well, since Aprill 22, he’s pitched well. Credit should be given where credit is due, even if it does seem that Mr. Zito is robbing the Giants blind by underperforming his contract. Remember, it takes two to dupe: one unscrupulous agent to dupe, and one credulous GM to be duped. Don’t blame Mr. Zito for accepting a dumptruck full of money.
Sporcle
Thanks to my physics teaching colleague Jacob Sargent, I discovered a wonderful time waster the other day: sporcle.com. This site provides “quizzes” in electronic format suitable for communal play. For example, I had some time left with my seniors in the last class on the last day of school. Most had finished their assignment. What did I do? I brought up the sporcle quiz in which we were given 16 minutes to name the artist responsible for each of the top 100 songs of the 1980s. With everyone shouting out ideas, we got 70% of the answers right. (They then demanded the 1990s game, and several students stayed late to finish.)
The site is captivating, especially if you’re wasting time in a group setting. Try pressing “random game” to see what’s available. On dorm duty Wednesday night I checked out a few random games, and found: “Can you name the players listed in the Mitchell Report?”
Thing is, I had all kinds of trouble. I only got 9 out of 86!
Perhaps most interesting about the quiz is the results page. More than 12,000 people have taken the quiz. So, which player named in the Mitchell Report do you think was guessed successfully most often? Think about it…
Answer: Roger Clemens, guessed correctly by nearly 80% of the quiz-takers. Barry Bonds was guessed second most often, and he only got 70% of the popular vote. How can you not immediately connect “Barry Bonds” and “Mitchell Report?”
Slip of the tongue, but for the first time all year
At the boarding school where I work, each hall is assigned a 12th grader to serve as prefect. The prefect is responsible for maintaining order and cleanliness.[4] The prefect on the bottom floor of the dorm I work on is named Ford Schwing.
You may recall the Hitchiker’s Guide trilogy[5] by Douglas Adams. This series was a cult classic from back when I was in elementary school. A major character was Beteljuician Ford Prefect. For the first time all year, tonight I slipped up by asking a student if he had seen “Ford Prefect” rather than “Ford Schwing” or “the downstairs prefect.” I’m surprised I made it the whole year without that mistake.
Next week
There SHOULD be a column, assuming I survive this afternoon. The six-year-old of “real burp or fake burp?” The good news is, when he noted that one of his burps was both real and fake, he listened attentively to a discussion of quantum superposition states.
[1] What do presidents have to do with pirogues? No, sorry, no joke here, I’m honestly asking. I understand the Milwaukee-sausage correlation, and the Washington-president correlation, but a race involving Thomas Jefferson and a potato-filled noodle just doesn’t have a rationale, except perhaps illicit substances in the executive suite.
[2] Though chemistry professor Jason Getz notes that such sultry young ladies generally don’t have any need to go on line to meet available men.
[3] Intended to be nailed to Allan H. “Bud” Selig’s office door, the Nachoman’s Theses are not nearly as weighty, nor as historically significant, as Martin Luther’s.
[4] Or at least a facsimile thereof
[5] Consisting of five books
No comments:
Post a Comment