Bartman, questioning Knight Rider, and other stories from mlb week 3

Yeah, I’ve been watching a lot of Reds baseball this week. The Reds are 9-6 and don’t appear to stink as bad as they have since, well, the last millennium. But appearances are deceiving.

I used mlb.com’s awesome standings tool to quickly check up on the Reds records each year on April 24. Remember, the Reds haven’t had a winning record for the year since 2000… yet, they’ve been .500 or above on April 24 in 6 of the 8 seasons that mlb.com could tell me about. This means I should expect a collapse, right?

Right. They’re still the Reds until they prove otherwise.


Carlos Lee the contortionist
Saturday night in Houston, Carlos Lee tried to score from 2nd on a soft ground ball single to left. Jerry Hairston fielded the ball in shallow left field and threw quickly to the plate.[1] The throw was just a bit off-line, but in plenty of time. Catcher Ramon Hernandez fielded the throw cleanly and went to apply the tag, but Mr. Lee’s slide took him way to the first-base side of the plate. Mr. Lee barely touched the plate with his foot, while his body contorted into a question-mark shape as he avoided the tag.


Mr. Pouty Pants
Aaron Harang struggled to start the 7th inning – he hit a batter, then issued his first walk. He clearly was tiring, plus Carlos Lee was up. Mr. Lee had garnered three hits off of Harang on the night. Dusty Baker made the logical move, bringing in the relief. Jared Burton entered the game. He threw ball one, just outside. Burton hit the catcher’s glove, but he didn’t get the call. The next pitch was in the same place, called ball two. Mr. Burton gloved the return throw angrily, and paced around the mound.

Okay, Mr. Pouty Pants, time to throw a strike, right? You know now you’re not going to get that call. Well, Mr. Pants tried again, throwing ball three in the same spot, making the same face after he didn’t get the call. Ball four was low, and the bases were loaded.

Burton pitched well to strike out Hunter Pence, and got to 0-2 on Geoff Blum. Then he wasted two pitches that even the Nachoman would have known to let go by. Finally, on 2-2, the hammer hit – Blum doubled in two runs, Pudge Rodriguez doubled in two, and the game broke open. It started, though, with Mr. Pouty Pants.


What would YOU do with a seven run lead?
With a seven run lead in the 8th inning, in came Chris Sampson for the Astros. He didn’t pout, he just nibbled around and walked the leadoff hitter, the .179-hitting Ramon Hernandez, on a 3-2 count. Boux.


Even the fans who get to be on TV know better
Fox Sports Houston has long been known to the Nachoman as the worst of the regional FSN channels. In every game the audience is treated to an in-game interview with a fan, celebrity, or a player’s family. Additionally, a perky twentysomthing woman spends an entire inning in the booth advertising upcoming Astros events. She makes awkward, quasi-flirtatious conversation with the commentators, who through little fault of their own are made to seem like dirty old men. I have on several occasions turned off FSN Houston high definition in favor of the low def opposing team’s broadcast, or even for audio-only.

In Monday’s Reds-Astros game, the Reds started Houston native Paul Janish at shortstop. Of course, FSN did not confine their coverage of Mr. Janish’s homecoming to the pregame. When Janish came to bat in the 4th inning, a perky young woman began an interview with Janish’s aunt. One excrutiating sentence into the interview, Mr. Janish grounded into a double play to end the inning.

Not to be deterred, the perky stadium reporter continued the interview after the commercial. Janish’s dad responded politely to a question, and interrupted his answer to note “There’s a 6-3 putout. I’m helping the booth out.” In other words, “shut up and let me watch my son play, please.”

Two innings later, the same perky woman climbed to the most remote seats in the stadium to interview the “fans of the game.” Said fans were a 25-30 year old man and a twentysomething woman sitting very, very close to the man with her hand on his leg. These fans were a good 50 yards from any other occupied seats. The FSN stadium reporter asked banal questions for a minute or two (while the game went on), while the man and woman made it clear with their terse answers that they would like to get back to, in their words, “romancing” each other, thank you very much.


Bartman II
On Tuesday night in Chicago, one of the Reds hit a foul pop reasonably deep down the left field line. The left fielder couldn’t quite get there as it fell nearly on the railing separating the stands from foul territory. A fan in the front row reached over the rail attempting to catch the ball.

Does anyone else see a problem with this?

Why yes, say traumatized Cubs fans.[2] The fan on Tuesday was sitting in THE VERY SEAT made famous by the goat[3] of the 2003 NLCS, Steve Bartman. Even though the left fielder had no possible play on the ball, a true Cub fan should know better than to reach into the field of play, especially from this particular seat.


Alou didn’t have much of a play on the infamous ball, either, really.
Credit to FSN Cincinnati,[4] who very quickly cued up the footage of the actual 2003 Bartman play. I did, really, actually watch that play live on television, but I was falling asleep. I have vague memories of the subsequent Alex Gonzalez error, but I woke up surprised that the Marlins had actually come back. Things that I noticed this week, that are somewhat surprising with six years of perspective:

Moses Alou had virtually no chance of catching that ball. It was above the railing, a railing which sits at least seven feet above the field. Mr. Alou would have had to leap high on the run just to make contact with the ball, if the ball in fact wasn’t too far into the stands to touch. Maybe, possibly, Alou could have touched the ball in his glove… but then, could he have held on as he slammed into the brick, or as his glove hit the railing? We all remember Alou’s angry gesturing after Bartman’s interference, but good outfielders think they can catch anything.

Bartman may be public enemy #1 for Cubs fans now. But I’d like to get the names of all of the people who I saw cheering for Mr. Bartman as he made the catch in the stands. The crowd applauded Bartman's catch! It was only later in the game, after the Cubs collapsed, that the fans turned on Mr. Bartman. Shame on you, people. If you need a scapegoat[5], I’d suggest the 65 year old curse.

You will not question Knight Rider
Woodberry Forest’s three-sport coach Colin Gay had an important question for me at lunch this week. In the 1980’s show “Knight Rider,” the car KITT frequently is seen entering a tractor-trailer via a ramp, while both car and truck are moving at highway speeds. Coach Gay rightly wondered about the relative velocities of KITT’s wheels and the truck’s ramp: if KITT was going 60 mph relative to the ground, and suddenly hit the ramp that was nearly at rest relative to KITT, shouldn’t we at least see KITT sort of peal-out into the truck? Don’t the laws of physics suggest that this is a difficult and unsafe maneuver, one that is likely to see KITT impaled on the truck more often than not because his wheels are turning so fast?

Please understand that Coach Gay appropriately and solemnly prefaced his commentary with a disclaimer: “Understand that I am NOT questioning Knight Rider.” As long as we’re all clear.

Coach Gay’s real question (but he is NOT QUESTIONING Knight Rider) was about how the sequence was filmed. Postulates among the faculty at lunch included: Film KITT entering a stationary trailer at low speed in a parking lot, then superimpose the highway over a blue screen. Run the film back at higher-speed for the television footage. Someone also suggested actually doing the stunt in reverse and running the film backwards; I don’t see what advantage that provides, but I’m open to ideas.

I’ve read through the entire Knight Rider Wikipedia article, and I’ve seen no reference to Coach Gay’s conundrum. If anyone knows how the stunt was actually produced, please email the Nachoman to let him know.


Need a clever holiday gift?
Buried in the middle of the long Knight Rider article, under “Theme Music,” was a note about the November 1983 release of the hit single “A Knight Rider Christmas.” This truly wonderful song features the trademark synthesizer theme… along with William Daniels, the voice of KITT, rapping. Yes, rapping. In 1983.


The Collapse of the Week, brought to you by AIG
Wednesday in DC, Gnats pitcher John Lannan pitched seven scoreless innings of five-hit ball. Atlanta’s Jair Jurrjens matched his line nearly identically – he gave up six hits. The game was still scoreless entering the ninth inning. Matt Diaz singled with one out, the next guy hit into a force play, and reliever Garrett Mock set himself up nicely to get out of the inning.

Runner on first, two out. Mock walked 8th place hitter Jordan Schafer. Yoink, in came Mike Hinckley.

Runners on first and second, two out. Mr. Hinckley walked pinch hitter Martin Prado. With the bases loaded and two out, Mr. Hinckley walked Kelly Johnson to force in the eventual winning run.

What, you’ve never heard of Garrett Mock and Mike Hinckley, either? I wonder why not.


Babe Ruth lives!
Reds pitchers were 0-24 on the season before Johnny Cueto’s two hits on Wednesday night. Pitcher Micah Owings didn’t get a hit in his two starts, but he is 2-3 as a pinch hitter with two doubles.


Olbermann pays too much attention to New York; the Nachoman pays too much attention to Cincinnati
Former Sportscenter host from back when the show was good Keith Olbermann is now writing three times a week for mlb.com. His “baseball nerd” column is – don’t worry – devoid of politics. I would describe his writing for the site as an extended version of what he used to say on sportscenter while narrating and introducing clips of the night’s games. The items have a short, to-the-point, local-newsy feel to them. That shouldn’t surprise anyone, since that’s the genre in which Mr. Olbermann has immersed himself for nearly two decades at ESPN and MSNBC. I like Olbermann’s liberal[6] use of photographs.

Many fans will likely object to the New York-ness of his posts – KO attended Mets and Yankees games all of the past couple of weeks, and wrote much about them. I have no trouble with that. Mr. Olbermann lives in New York, and he’s writing what he knows. I just hope that mlb.com will pony up to send KO to a state that doesn’t border an ocean this year. (And I hope that KO agrees to go.)


Speaking of good sportswriting on the web
I’ve found a new author whose work I automatically print out for later consumption: Joe Posnanski, who made his name as columnist for the Kansas City Star. I’ve been familiar with Mr. Posnanski’s work for several years, but I usually have read his perceptive, irony-laced discussions of why the Royals stink. This site’s own Ribbie Reporter eats these articles up, while I tend to yawn.[7]

Now, though, Mr. Posnanski has begun writing a weekly, nationally-focused column for si.com. These have more than held my interest, they’ve become weekly required reading. Not since Jonah Keri stopped writing his weekly columns for ESPN.com have I found an insightful, intelligent baseball column that isn’t myopic about the local team.

As a first taste of his writing, I highly recommend Joe Posnanski’s column on counts. It includes a positively Ribbie Reporter-styled comment at the end, when Mr. Posnanski notes that pitchers always have an advantage over hitters, so a manager’s pitching moves are always likely to work out. In the footnote, Posnanski says:

This "still likely to work" rule is not in effect when it comes to Royals manager Trey Hillman, who has now gone EIGHT DAYS since pitching Joakim Soria. EIGHT DAYS. Maybe he's saving Soria for private functions, birthday parties, bar mitzvahs and so on.

I suggested a couple of weeks ago on this site that managers should manage by “feel” rather than “stats,” principally because so many variables are involved with any individual managerial decision that too many statistics will provide the manager conflicting advice. A good manager’s “gut feel” is in reality a holistic evaluation of statistical and tactical information.

I assume in my argument that we’re talking a manager with a good feel for the game. I don’t object to Mr. Hillman’s decisions merely because they’re in conflict with platoon splits or OPS/WHIP numbers. I object to Mr. Hillman’s decisions because, as related to me by the Ribbie Reporter and by Joe P’s writing, the decisions don’t pass the common sense test.


Is it possible a 35 year old Jewish physics teacher to talk “smack?”
I play in a fantasy baseball league hosted on yahoo. Their site is pretty good. We use it because it allows the commissioner to set the scoring rules and roster spots as strangely as he wants – our head-to-head league uses 30 statistical categories and a 20-person active roster.[8] My only objection is that, while yahoo hosts the league for free, in order to get live statistics, I have to pay $10 per season.

One of yahoo’s features is a little post-it note on which users are encouraged to “Strike fear into the heart of your opponent with some strategic smack talk.” Woah! Maybe the Ribbie Reporter (a member of our league) will wilt when he hears my cruel yet witty barbs. Perhaps I can encourage him to bench Albert Pujols. Perhaps, as I fear, I am merely a complete dork even to contemplate posting “smack” talk in a pretend baseball league.

In recognition of my actual ability to talk “smack,” here’s what I actually posted to the Electric Marshmallows team page:

“I have posted some smack talk. Have I stricken my opponent with fear yet? And is this in fact "strategic" smack talk? Or is it more tactical?”


As a driving instructor, I stress right turns and left turns. They’re the most critical kinds of turns.
Dusty Baker on mlb.com after the Reds won 7-1 on getaway day Thursday in Chicago: “That's why I try to stress getaway day victories. They usually prevent a sweep, create a sweep or they win a series for you.”

I totally understand Dusty’s point, the one he attempted to make further down in the paragraph that I partially quoted. A strong mental approach is especially necessary on getaway days, even moreso at the end of a long road trip. It’s tempting to go through the motions in anticipation of the imminent arrival home; it’s easy for a players’minds to be focused on wives, families, and/or girlfriends when said players are paid ungodly sums to focus on the game at hand. Dusty has a young team whom he is training in the mindset of the professional.

Nevertheless, look at the logic of what Dusty said. In a three-game series, OF COURSE a getaway day victory creates a sweep, prevents a sweep, or wins a series. The only possible exceptions to Dusty’s rule come (a) in a 4-game series in which one team trails 1-2 and wins on getaway day; or (b) in a 2-game series when the team that lost the first game salvages a split.


Next Week:
The Nachoman searches for an A-Team Christmas Album, which I hope against hope features an HM Murdock rap with BA Baracus singing opera.


[1] This in itself was an achievement for the Reds. For years, Adam Dunn played out there. The ball would have gone off the heel of his glove, and he would still be chasing the ball down by the wall while the runners circled the bases.
[2] And $&#$^ you, too, they say
[3] Ha!
[4] And this station needs all the love they can get after incurring the wrath of Reds Nation (such as it is) last week. FSN cut away from a close game in the 9th inning with Joey Votto up and men on base… to show the Best Dang Sports Show Period. Oops.
[5] Ha, again!
[6] And Ha!
[7] Instead I read similar articles about why the Reds stink. And I won’t even start on the Bengals.
[8] You think that’s nerdly? That’s nothing. Consider my fantasy football league… half the league – not my half – are improvisational comedians. Several of us are professional writers. All are complete nerds. Thus, the league is a role playing league. We are expected to develop and play a character in all interactions with our opponents.