Bartman, questioning Knight Rider, and other stories from mlb week 3

Yeah, I’ve been watching a lot of Reds baseball this week. The Reds are 9-6 and don’t appear to stink as bad as they have since, well, the last millennium. But appearances are deceiving.

I used mlb.com’s awesome standings tool to quickly check up on the Reds records each year on April 24. Remember, the Reds haven’t had a winning record for the year since 2000… yet, they’ve been .500 or above on April 24 in 6 of the 8 seasons that mlb.com could tell me about. This means I should expect a collapse, right?

Right. They’re still the Reds until they prove otherwise.


Carlos Lee the contortionist
Saturday night in Houston, Carlos Lee tried to score from 2nd on a soft ground ball single to left. Jerry Hairston fielded the ball in shallow left field and threw quickly to the plate.[1] The throw was just a bit off-line, but in plenty of time. Catcher Ramon Hernandez fielded the throw cleanly and went to apply the tag, but Mr. Lee’s slide took him way to the first-base side of the plate. Mr. Lee barely touched the plate with his foot, while his body contorted into a question-mark shape as he avoided the tag.


Mr. Pouty Pants
Aaron Harang struggled to start the 7th inning – he hit a batter, then issued his first walk. He clearly was tiring, plus Carlos Lee was up. Mr. Lee had garnered three hits off of Harang on the night. Dusty Baker made the logical move, bringing in the relief. Jared Burton entered the game. He threw ball one, just outside. Burton hit the catcher’s glove, but he didn’t get the call. The next pitch was in the same place, called ball two. Mr. Burton gloved the return throw angrily, and paced around the mound.

Okay, Mr. Pouty Pants, time to throw a strike, right? You know now you’re not going to get that call. Well, Mr. Pants tried again, throwing ball three in the same spot, making the same face after he didn’t get the call. Ball four was low, and the bases were loaded.

Burton pitched well to strike out Hunter Pence, and got to 0-2 on Geoff Blum. Then he wasted two pitches that even the Nachoman would have known to let go by. Finally, on 2-2, the hammer hit – Blum doubled in two runs, Pudge Rodriguez doubled in two, and the game broke open. It started, though, with Mr. Pouty Pants.


What would YOU do with a seven run lead?
With a seven run lead in the 8th inning, in came Chris Sampson for the Astros. He didn’t pout, he just nibbled around and walked the leadoff hitter, the .179-hitting Ramon Hernandez, on a 3-2 count. Boux.


Even the fans who get to be on TV know better
Fox Sports Houston has long been known to the Nachoman as the worst of the regional FSN channels. In every game the audience is treated to an in-game interview with a fan, celebrity, or a player’s family. Additionally, a perky twentysomthing woman spends an entire inning in the booth advertising upcoming Astros events. She makes awkward, quasi-flirtatious conversation with the commentators, who through little fault of their own are made to seem like dirty old men. I have on several occasions turned off FSN Houston high definition in favor of the low def opposing team’s broadcast, or even for audio-only.

In Monday’s Reds-Astros game, the Reds started Houston native Paul Janish at shortstop. Of course, FSN did not confine their coverage of Mr. Janish’s homecoming to the pregame. When Janish came to bat in the 4th inning, a perky young woman began an interview with Janish’s aunt. One excrutiating sentence into the interview, Mr. Janish grounded into a double play to end the inning.

Not to be deterred, the perky stadium reporter continued the interview after the commercial. Janish’s dad responded politely to a question, and interrupted his answer to note “There’s a 6-3 putout. I’m helping the booth out.” In other words, “shut up and let me watch my son play, please.”

Two innings later, the same perky woman climbed to the most remote seats in the stadium to interview the “fans of the game.” Said fans were a 25-30 year old man and a twentysomething woman sitting very, very close to the man with her hand on his leg. These fans were a good 50 yards from any other occupied seats. The FSN stadium reporter asked banal questions for a minute or two (while the game went on), while the man and woman made it clear with their terse answers that they would like to get back to, in their words, “romancing” each other, thank you very much.


Bartman II
On Tuesday night in Chicago, one of the Reds hit a foul pop reasonably deep down the left field line. The left fielder couldn’t quite get there as it fell nearly on the railing separating the stands from foul territory. A fan in the front row reached over the rail attempting to catch the ball.

Does anyone else see a problem with this?

Why yes, say traumatized Cubs fans.[2] The fan on Tuesday was sitting in THE VERY SEAT made famous by the goat[3] of the 2003 NLCS, Steve Bartman. Even though the left fielder had no possible play on the ball, a true Cub fan should know better than to reach into the field of play, especially from this particular seat.


Alou didn’t have much of a play on the infamous ball, either, really.
Credit to FSN Cincinnati,[4] who very quickly cued up the footage of the actual 2003 Bartman play. I did, really, actually watch that play live on television, but I was falling asleep. I have vague memories of the subsequent Alex Gonzalez error, but I woke up surprised that the Marlins had actually come back. Things that I noticed this week, that are somewhat surprising with six years of perspective:

Moses Alou had virtually no chance of catching that ball. It was above the railing, a railing which sits at least seven feet above the field. Mr. Alou would have had to leap high on the run just to make contact with the ball, if the ball in fact wasn’t too far into the stands to touch. Maybe, possibly, Alou could have touched the ball in his glove… but then, could he have held on as he slammed into the brick, or as his glove hit the railing? We all remember Alou’s angry gesturing after Bartman’s interference, but good outfielders think they can catch anything.

Bartman may be public enemy #1 for Cubs fans now. But I’d like to get the names of all of the people who I saw cheering for Mr. Bartman as he made the catch in the stands. The crowd applauded Bartman's catch! It was only later in the game, after the Cubs collapsed, that the fans turned on Mr. Bartman. Shame on you, people. If you need a scapegoat[5], I’d suggest the 65 year old curse.

You will not question Knight Rider
Woodberry Forest’s three-sport coach Colin Gay had an important question for me at lunch this week. In the 1980’s show “Knight Rider,” the car KITT frequently is seen entering a tractor-trailer via a ramp, while both car and truck are moving at highway speeds. Coach Gay rightly wondered about the relative velocities of KITT’s wheels and the truck’s ramp: if KITT was going 60 mph relative to the ground, and suddenly hit the ramp that was nearly at rest relative to KITT, shouldn’t we at least see KITT sort of peal-out into the truck? Don’t the laws of physics suggest that this is a difficult and unsafe maneuver, one that is likely to see KITT impaled on the truck more often than not because his wheels are turning so fast?

Please understand that Coach Gay appropriately and solemnly prefaced his commentary with a disclaimer: “Understand that I am NOT questioning Knight Rider.” As long as we’re all clear.

Coach Gay’s real question (but he is NOT QUESTIONING Knight Rider) was about how the sequence was filmed. Postulates among the faculty at lunch included: Film KITT entering a stationary trailer at low speed in a parking lot, then superimpose the highway over a blue screen. Run the film back at higher-speed for the television footage. Someone also suggested actually doing the stunt in reverse and running the film backwards; I don’t see what advantage that provides, but I’m open to ideas.

I’ve read through the entire Knight Rider Wikipedia article, and I’ve seen no reference to Coach Gay’s conundrum. If anyone knows how the stunt was actually produced, please email the Nachoman to let him know.


Need a clever holiday gift?
Buried in the middle of the long Knight Rider article, under “Theme Music,” was a note about the November 1983 release of the hit single “A Knight Rider Christmas.” This truly wonderful song features the trademark synthesizer theme… along with William Daniels, the voice of KITT, rapping. Yes, rapping. In 1983.


The Collapse of the Week, brought to you by AIG
Wednesday in DC, Gnats pitcher John Lannan pitched seven scoreless innings of five-hit ball. Atlanta’s Jair Jurrjens matched his line nearly identically – he gave up six hits. The game was still scoreless entering the ninth inning. Matt Diaz singled with one out, the next guy hit into a force play, and reliever Garrett Mock set himself up nicely to get out of the inning.

Runner on first, two out. Mock walked 8th place hitter Jordan Schafer. Yoink, in came Mike Hinckley.

Runners on first and second, two out. Mr. Hinckley walked pinch hitter Martin Prado. With the bases loaded and two out, Mr. Hinckley walked Kelly Johnson to force in the eventual winning run.

What, you’ve never heard of Garrett Mock and Mike Hinckley, either? I wonder why not.


Babe Ruth lives!
Reds pitchers were 0-24 on the season before Johnny Cueto’s two hits on Wednesday night. Pitcher Micah Owings didn’t get a hit in his two starts, but he is 2-3 as a pinch hitter with two doubles.


Olbermann pays too much attention to New York; the Nachoman pays too much attention to Cincinnati
Former Sportscenter host from back when the show was good Keith Olbermann is now writing three times a week for mlb.com. His “baseball nerd” column is – don’t worry – devoid of politics. I would describe his writing for the site as an extended version of what he used to say on sportscenter while narrating and introducing clips of the night’s games. The items have a short, to-the-point, local-newsy feel to them. That shouldn’t surprise anyone, since that’s the genre in which Mr. Olbermann has immersed himself for nearly two decades at ESPN and MSNBC. I like Olbermann’s liberal[6] use of photographs.

Many fans will likely object to the New York-ness of his posts – KO attended Mets and Yankees games all of the past couple of weeks, and wrote much about them. I have no trouble with that. Mr. Olbermann lives in New York, and he’s writing what he knows. I just hope that mlb.com will pony up to send KO to a state that doesn’t border an ocean this year. (And I hope that KO agrees to go.)


Speaking of good sportswriting on the web
I’ve found a new author whose work I automatically print out for later consumption: Joe Posnanski, who made his name as columnist for the Kansas City Star. I’ve been familiar with Mr. Posnanski’s work for several years, but I usually have read his perceptive, irony-laced discussions of why the Royals stink. This site’s own Ribbie Reporter eats these articles up, while I tend to yawn.[7]

Now, though, Mr. Posnanski has begun writing a weekly, nationally-focused column for si.com. These have more than held my interest, they’ve become weekly required reading. Not since Jonah Keri stopped writing his weekly columns for ESPN.com have I found an insightful, intelligent baseball column that isn’t myopic about the local team.

As a first taste of his writing, I highly recommend Joe Posnanski’s column on counts. It includes a positively Ribbie Reporter-styled comment at the end, when Mr. Posnanski notes that pitchers always have an advantage over hitters, so a manager’s pitching moves are always likely to work out. In the footnote, Posnanski says:

This "still likely to work" rule is not in effect when it comes to Royals manager Trey Hillman, who has now gone EIGHT DAYS since pitching Joakim Soria. EIGHT DAYS. Maybe he's saving Soria for private functions, birthday parties, bar mitzvahs and so on.

I suggested a couple of weeks ago on this site that managers should manage by “feel” rather than “stats,” principally because so many variables are involved with any individual managerial decision that too many statistics will provide the manager conflicting advice. A good manager’s “gut feel” is in reality a holistic evaluation of statistical and tactical information.

I assume in my argument that we’re talking a manager with a good feel for the game. I don’t object to Mr. Hillman’s decisions merely because they’re in conflict with platoon splits or OPS/WHIP numbers. I object to Mr. Hillman’s decisions because, as related to me by the Ribbie Reporter and by Joe P’s writing, the decisions don’t pass the common sense test.


Is it possible a 35 year old Jewish physics teacher to talk “smack?”
I play in a fantasy baseball league hosted on yahoo. Their site is pretty good. We use it because it allows the commissioner to set the scoring rules and roster spots as strangely as he wants – our head-to-head league uses 30 statistical categories and a 20-person active roster.[8] My only objection is that, while yahoo hosts the league for free, in order to get live statistics, I have to pay $10 per season.

One of yahoo’s features is a little post-it note on which users are encouraged to “Strike fear into the heart of your opponent with some strategic smack talk.” Woah! Maybe the Ribbie Reporter (a member of our league) will wilt when he hears my cruel yet witty barbs. Perhaps I can encourage him to bench Albert Pujols. Perhaps, as I fear, I am merely a complete dork even to contemplate posting “smack” talk in a pretend baseball league.

In recognition of my actual ability to talk “smack,” here’s what I actually posted to the Electric Marshmallows team page:

“I have posted some smack talk. Have I stricken my opponent with fear yet? And is this in fact "strategic" smack talk? Or is it more tactical?”


As a driving instructor, I stress right turns and left turns. They’re the most critical kinds of turns.
Dusty Baker on mlb.com after the Reds won 7-1 on getaway day Thursday in Chicago: “That's why I try to stress getaway day victories. They usually prevent a sweep, create a sweep or they win a series for you.”

I totally understand Dusty’s point, the one he attempted to make further down in the paragraph that I partially quoted. A strong mental approach is especially necessary on getaway days, even moreso at the end of a long road trip. It’s tempting to go through the motions in anticipation of the imminent arrival home; it’s easy for a players’minds to be focused on wives, families, and/or girlfriends when said players are paid ungodly sums to focus on the game at hand. Dusty has a young team whom he is training in the mindset of the professional.

Nevertheless, look at the logic of what Dusty said. In a three-game series, OF COURSE a getaway day victory creates a sweep, prevents a sweep, or wins a series. The only possible exceptions to Dusty’s rule come (a) in a 4-game series in which one team trails 1-2 and wins on getaway day; or (b) in a 2-game series when the team that lost the first game salvages a split.


Next Week:
The Nachoman searches for an A-Team Christmas Album, which I hope against hope features an HM Murdock rap with BA Baracus singing opera.


[1] This in itself was an achievement for the Reds. For years, Adam Dunn played out there. The ball would have gone off the heel of his glove, and he would still be chasing the ball down by the wall while the runners circled the bases.
[2] And $&#$^ you, too, they say
[3] Ha!
[4] And this station needs all the love they can get after incurring the wrath of Reds Nation (such as it is) last week. FSN cut away from a close game in the 9th inning with Joey Votto up and men on base… to show the Best Dang Sports Show Period. Oops.
[5] Ha, again!
[6] And Ha!
[7] Instead I read similar articles about why the Reds stink. And I won’t even start on the Bengals.
[8] You think that’s nerdly? That’s nothing. Consider my fantasy football league… half the league – not my half – are improvisational comedians. Several of us are professional writers. All are complete nerds. Thus, the league is a role playing league. We are expected to develop and play a character in all interactions with our opponents.

Bullpen Madness, Manny, and ooh, a brawl!

Who’s the class of the National League?
The Nachoman still gives his love to the Diamondbacks, who boast two of the best starting pitchers in baseball. Of course, Deep Dish has been promoting the Cubs prospects for over a month now. Deep Dish has a bit more of a rooting interest in this debate than the Nachoman, so I am willing to concede my position if I am provided with evidence that I am wrong.

Under the background of this longstanding discussion, Deep Dish and I happened to be leaving the dining hall simultaneously on Monday afternoon. We looked at each other, nodded hello… after a moment’s pause, we looked at each other again and, in PERFECT UNISON, uttered the same phrase:

“The Cubs swept the Diamondbacks this weekend.”

Deranged minds think alike, I suppose. Both teams share the best record in baseball as I write, though the Cubs now have a better Pythagorean record (meaning their run differential is better than that of the D-backs). I’m watching part of a Brandon Webb start tonight against the Rockies, the better to observe the Arizona juggernaut personally. I promise, I’ll make a point to watch a Cubs game this week for comparison.

The team I haven’t watched that I should is the Devil Rays. They have risen from the ashes of Vince Naimoli ownership to the AL east lead.

That said, I did watch an American League game this week: I saw Cleveland’s Fausto Carmona dominate the Blue Jays as part of the Indians starters’ current streak of 43 consecutive scoreless innings. That’s right, the Cleveland starters haven’t given up a run since CC Sabathia allowed one run in the 5th inning of his quality start last Friday. The Nachoman is simply in awe.

Happy Birthday to...
Normally, the Nachoman doesn't really care when professional athletes' birthdays are. What am I gonna do, send them a card? (I'm sure there's a Miguel Tejada or Julio Franco joke in here somewhere.)

But the Nachoman sends his birthday wishes to now-41-year-old John Smoltz, born on May 15, 1967... precisely one decade prior to the birth of Burrito Girl.

More on the Indians
The Woodberry lunch table was abuzz about Monday’s Asdrubal Cabrera unassisted triple play. What impressed people most wasn’t Mr. Cabrera’s actual defensive effort – after all, when runners on 1st and 2nd take off on the pitch, and said pitch is a line drive right at someone, a triple play is nearly guaranteed. (At least if there are no outs.) Whether the triple play is unassisted or not often depends on the whim of the defender, whether he appeals by tagging a runner, or whether he throws to a base for the appeal play.[1]

No, the focus of the faculty conversation was the Indians announcer, Rick Manning, who called the triple play before the ball even hit Mr. Cabrera’s glove: “Triple play! Triple play!” he said. Mr. Manning is an ex-Indian, and a former player with baseball instincts thinks triple play instantly on this sort of line drive. Nice work communicating his instincts to the crowd -- that's what a color man is for.


Ooh, ooh, ooh, a brawl!
Last Thursday night, Richie Sexson of the Mariners charged Rangers pitcher Kason Gabbard. As brawls go, this one was rather dumb and tame. Upon observing the charging Sexson, Mr. Gabbard took a low linebacker’s stance with the intent to deliver a tackle. Mr. Sexson changed tactics, throwing his helmet at Mr. Gabbard’s head. The helmet missed, instead hitting Mr. Gabbard in his recently injured back. The traditional melee ensued.

Why was Mr. Sexson mad enough to call forth violence against his opponent? Well, the Mariners had lost 8 of their last 9 games, and Mr. Sexson was barely hitting .200 at the time. I would suggest that poor performance like this is the most common underlying cause of a baseball brawl.

Felix Hernandez, the Mariners starting pitcher, had earlier bopped Ian Kinsler after Mr. Kinsler hit a home run. That was Mr. Hernandez’s second hit batsman of the night. It seemed likely that Mr. Gabbard might retaliate by plunking a Mariner. He did not; the pitch that angered Mr. Sexson was over the heart of the plate, but very, very high.

But facts shouldn’t get in the way of a good brawl. After the game, Mr. Sexson spouted some indignant bologna to reporters, to the general effect of “I don’t mind if he hits me, that’s part of the game, but throwing at the head shouldn’t be tolerated, and he threw at my head, don’t try to tell me he didn’t.” I encourage my readers to watch the video, and decide for yourself whether this pitch was aimed at Mr. Sexson’s head.

There’s always a postscript to a brawl
The next day, major league baseball announced suspensions and fines. Mr. Sexson, the instigator, was suspended for six games. Si.com speculated that the suspension was longer than it otherwise might have been because Mr. Sexson threw his helmet.[2] Of course, Mr. Sexson has appealed, effectively meaning that he may serve his suspension at his convenience – i.e., when the Mariners face weak opponents, when they'll be taking a long, boring road trip, or maybe just when Mr. Sexson needs a week off.

Three people were fined, not suspended. Felix Hernandez was fined, not for throwing at anyone, but for jabbering after the brawl, refusing to sit down, and generally running his mouth in order to escalate tensions. Gerald Laird was fined, too, for something I haven’t found out about.

The interesting fine was to Rangers pitcher Sir Sidney Ponson.[3] Now, one might suggest that Sidney Ponson should be fined simply for being Sidney Ponson. In 2004 Sir Sidney physically assaulted a judge in Aruba during a trial relating to reckless boating. In 2005, he was arrested in Maryland for DUI. In 2006, his ERA was above 7.0. The Rangers must have been truly desperate to hire this gentleman.

Having some knowledge of his background and his anger management skills, you are now well placed to evaluate Mr. Ponson’s postgame comments. He was fined for his actions at the brawlgame; Sports Illustrated says “Ponson left the bench and appeared to get in a shouting match with Hernandez.” Yet, Sir Sidney “vehemently” disagreed with his fine.

“"Felix said he was going to whip my (butt), and the umpire was in front of me. I didn't move. I just smiled. That's it -- and I'm getting fined,” said Sir Sidney. I can come to only one of two conclusions: (1) Sir Sidney is lying, or (2) Sir Sidney received his fine for the appearance of a shouting match, rather than for actual naughty actions. Either way, the Nachoman can offer but little sympathy.


The Nachoman is at a loss for words
I just cannot believe the classic instance of Manny being Manny in Baltimore on Wednesday. I mean, there’s video evidence and all, and this is Manny Ramirez we’re talking about, but my goodness…

There was one out. Remember, there was one out.

With two runners on base and running on the pitch, Mr. Ramirez made an excellent catch while running toward the wall in left-center field. The ball entered the glove about 25 feet from the fence. Manny kept running, kept running toward the wall, even though he already possessed the ball.

At the beginning of the play, there was one out. Remember, there was one out.

Manny leaped up onto the fence, presumably because he saw a young gentleman in a Red Sox jersey in the front row of the Camden Yards bleachers. Manny gave this gentleman a high-five, or at least an attempted high five.

Now there were two outs. Remember, now there were two outs.

TWO OUTS, Manny!

Smoothly, as if he had planned it all along, Mr. Ramirez fired a throw back to the infield… and in time to catch the runner from first for the third out.

I'm thinking that manager Terry Francona wanted simultaneously to hug and strangle Manny. In the immortal words of Dr. Seuss, now what would you do if it happened to you?

Clubhouse personae
Statistically minded baseball fans scoff at the concept of "clubhouse presence," but such a concept no doubt exists. The more relevant question is, how much money is it worth to carry a guy whose performance is subpar but whose "clubhouse presence" is excellent? (Answer, according to most sabermatricians: $0.) But what exactly is clubhouse presence, anyway? Consider Wednesday night's Thom Brennaman story about Ken Griffey. Mr. Junior lost a $1500 bet to teammate Josh Fogg, so he paid it… with 950 pounds of pennies placed in front of Mr. Fogg’s locker. Apparently Mr. Fogg had trouble even accessing his uniform that evening (I have not checked Mr. Brennaman's story for accuracy... I encourage one of my physics students to look up the density of a penny and to run these numbers to see how much $1500 of pennies really weigh.)


Maybe I don’t hate Dan LeBatard
While I enjoy Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon on Pardon The Interruption, I ignore any show in which the Miami Herald’s Dan LeBatard subs for one of the hosts. Mr. LeBatard is more obnoxious and ridiculously opinionated than even the standard PTI hosts.

Mr. LeBatard, who has been best known as a journalist for the Miami Herald, now is on leave from his newspaper job. He took the opportunity on his time off to give his thoughts about the old media vs. new media debate. The long, thoughtful essay was filled with clever metaphor, irony, possibly synecdoche, and maybe some other literary devices.[4]

It’s about time that a Legacy Journalist admitted some of the fundamental reasons that legacy journalists feel so threatened by blogs. Nice work, Mr. LeBatard. Now go start a blog. I’ll probably read a bit of it.


Bullpen madness
Will someone please tell me what Bobby Cox is doing with his bullpen?

Mr. Cox seems to use an average of two or three relief pitchers per inning. In my April 3 column, the Nachoman noted that Mr. Cox burned his bullpen in the 8th and 9th innings, forcing him to use inferior pitchers in what turned out to be an extra-inning loss. Several times last week, Mr. Cox put himself in a similar situation. For example, on Friday, Tom Glavine pitched seven solid innings for the Nachoman Quality Start. Then, in came:

· Royce Ring, for one batter.
· Blaine Boyer, for the rest of the 8th inning.
· Will Ohman, for one batter.
· Jeff Bennett, for a third of an inning, until he gave up the game winning hit.

I will note that when Mr. Glavine exited, the score was knotted at 2. I also will note that the previous night, starter Jo-Jo Reyes got roughed up, and so six relievers pitchers split the last six-plus innings.[5]

So, I ask, what would have happened had Mr. Bennett successfully finished the 9th inning on Friday? Who would have pitched the extra innings? Mr. Cox would have had to turn to tired and below-average relievers. Whereas, had he used his primary relievers for an inning or two each, he would have been well prepared for extra innings.

Now, don’t think the Nachoman is completely stupid.[6] I am familiar with the concept of the Lefthanded One Out Guy, also known as the LOOGY. I just think it’s not necessarily smart to use a LOOGY so frequently. Sure, in the bottom of the 8th with two outs, bases loaded, and Ted Williams at bat, I’d take out a tiring righthander for a LOOGY… but if the LOOGY failed to retire Mr. Williams, I’d let him continue to pitch to the next guy.

Other than that extreme situation, I don’t see the point. Platoon advantages[7] are especially real for lefthanded hitters, who hit about 9% better against righties than lefties. But righthanders hit only 20 points, or 2%, better against lefties than righties. I’d suggest that if your LOOGY is really good enough to be specially chosen to face the opposition’s best lefthanded hitter in a clutch situation, he’s also good enough to face the rest of the lineup. (I’ve already discussed most relievers’ observed difficulty throwing strikes when they first enter the game, so I won’t go into that here.)

Willie Randolph pulled a Bobby Cox
On Monday, Willie yoinked Scott Schoenweiss in the eighth with two outs after a good outing so that righty Joe Smith could face Jeff Keppinger with two men on and a 5 run lead.

Of course, Mr. Smith delivered three straight balls to Mr. Keppinger.

A powerful team
Which team has scored the highest percentage of their runs via the home run this year?

1. Florida, 49%. Wow! They play in one of the only three true pitchers’ parks in the majors! And yet, they have by far scored the biggest percentage of runs via the homer.

3. Cincinnati, 35%. This one might expect, in one of the best hitters’ parks ever, and with all-or-nothing sluggers like Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey populating the lineup.


Boris Badenov should be his catcher
(Click the link to hear the immortal line, "It's a Moon Moose!")

Burke Badenhop is a Marlins starter who joined the team as part of the Cabrera/Willis trade. Isn’t that one of the best names ever for a baseball pitcher? Right up there with Bob Walk, Grant Balfour…

On Monday night, the Reds beat the Marlins and Mr. Badenhop, 8-7. It was 8-4 until David Weathers did his thing; he made it 8-5. Francisco Cordero was brought in with two on and the 8-5 lead with two outs in the eighth. The Reds broadcast made a big deal that Mr. Cordero would thus be faced with -- gasp! -- a four-out save opportunity. The announcers’ bemusement reminded me of the time I visited a girlfriend’s family in Maine, and I wanted to dip crabmeat in butter. (They had never heard of such a heathen practice.) They humored the oddball, but kept commenting on how strange I was.

Mr. Cordero hit the first batter he faced; but then he got the fly ball he needed, to shallow right field. Ken Griffey came in, called off second baseman Brandon Phillips, and (gulp) DROPPED THE BALL. Two runs scored. I mean, this was a true drop, every bit as bad as the time I dropped the easy fly ball in 7th grade and earned a shouting from my coach. You don’t expect Ken Griffey to do that.

Or do you? A critical play in Sunday’s Reds game cost Johnny Cueto two runs: Ken Griffey and centerfielder Ryan Freel converged on the ball. Griffey appeared to have a bead on it, Mr. Freel peeled off… and then Mr. Griffey just stopped running. Who knows what verbal communication had passed between these outfielders, so it might not be fair to blame Mr. Griffey – but it was certainly he who had the easy play.

Back to Monday… Mr. Cordero, obviously angry at either Mr. Griffey or at the big, cruel universe in general, proceeded to walk the next Marlins hitter, loading the bases again, now with only an 8-7 lead. Then Mr. Cordero allowed a long, high fly ball to right center field. Mr. Griffey had to run for this one, a catch that should be tough but manageable for a professional right fielder. The ball hit Mr. Griffey’s outstretched glove. Then the ball came out, and every Reds fan groaned, knowing that the $20 million man had screwed up again… but finally, Mr. Griffey trapped the ball against his body with his bare hand, securing the catch and the 1-run lead. Whew.

Gotta love the defense from that corner outfield combination of Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey!


At least you’re not this guy
Air travel has become ever more uncomfortable and annoying. Flying JetBlue airlines is bliss, even though they don’t fly to most of the destinations that the Nachoman usually heads for. They offer substantial legroom, in-flight television (which is only really useful to me if the Nachoboy is with me, or if there’s a game on), and unlimited snacks and sodas. It's actually relaxing to fly JetBlue.

Unless you’re this guy, that is… according to this Associated Press story, a pilot told a standby passenger to “go hang out in the bathroom” during a flight because there wasn’t a seat for him.


Powerful hitting, or sketchy pitching?
Braves color man Joe Simpson noted that Ryan Howard hit a ball so hard that one could see a puff of rosin fly off the ball as it made contact with the bat. He showed (what I thought was inconclusive) video of the event in question. Mr. Simpson’s conclusion was that Mr. Howard is one heck of a hitter.

Couldn’t an alternate hypothesis be valid here, that the Braves pitcher had illegally dusted the ball with excess rosin?


I call bologna
In the “Cubs mailbag” on mlb.com, Carrie Muskat responded to a fan’s inquiry about the Wrigley Field out-of-town scoreboard. You see, in most ballparks the out-of-town scoreboard indicates each team’s pitcher-in-action by noting the pitcher’s uniform number. For example 39 CIN 3, 46 CHC 5 means that the Cubs lead the Reds 5-3; Cincinnati’s pitcher is #39 Aaron Harang, and the Cubs pitcher is #46 Ryan Dempster.

How is a fan supposed to know that #46 is Mr. Dempster? Two options: (1) Be obsessive enough to know the numbers of the league’s pitchers, or (2) buy a program, which helpfully lists each team’s pitchers by number.

Category (1) isn’t as farfetched as you might think. Fans who care enough to WANT to know who’s pitching might well know the numbers of at least pitchers who are important to them. For example, a fantasy baseball player might know the uniform numbers of the pitchers on his fantasy team. I certainly did when I used to play in a fantasy league.

A Cubs fan thus asked Ms. Muskat why the Wrigley scoreboard doesn’t identify pitchers by uniform number. Her response: “Wrigley's scoreboard uses numbers that coordinate with the program sold at the ballpark, and the pitchers are listed in alphabetical order. It's easier for the guys in the scoreboard to do it this way.”

Oh, I say! WHY, I ask, is it easier for guys in the scoreboard to identify pitchers alphabetically? Because they’re in the program alphabetically, of course. So, the scoreboard operators could print out mlb.com’s roster pages; or, the program could be printed by uniform number (as it is in every other ballpark I’ve bought a program in). Unless, that is, the Cubs are so desperately grubby that they are trying to create a situation in which serious fans find a need to buy an overpriced program…

Next Week...
The Nachoman runs out of the room in the middle of a physics demonstration to high-five his department chairman. It's just another instance of the Nachoman being the Nachoman.

[1] And yes, it is an APPEAL play when a runner fails to retouch a base on a caught batted ball.
[2] Here’s where I don’t get the logic. Does baseball want brawls or not? If the commissioner’s office doesn’t mind brawls, don’t publicly punish those involved. If the commissioner’s office wants to stamp out brawls for whatever reason, suspend Mr. Sexson for a month or two. Six games and a token fine just makes everyone angry without results.
[3] According to Wikipedia, this Aruba native was knighted in 2003 by the queen of the Netherlands. Good thing she didn’t wait until 2006 – keep reading.
[4] The AP English exam occurred on Wednesday. I’m celebrating.
[5] Once again, two of these pitchers each pitched to only one batter.
[6] This means you, Burrito Girl.
[7] If you’re not familiar with baseball jargon, a lefthanded pitcher gains a platoon advantage when he faces a lefthanded hitter.