(Above: The Bullpen Stinkage Spectrum. See text.)The intention this week was to lead the column with a brief summary of Thursday night’s Albemarle High School varsity baseball game, where the Nachoman had the plate. Problem is, for the second time this week, my game was rained out. In pro ball, where copious money is at stake, teams have significant financial incentive to get a game in, even in monsoon conditions. Umpires are under orders to finish a game unless they see an ark floating by. At the high school level, though, incentives work in the other direction. In rural Virginia, teams have to drive an hour or two to get to their away game. They don’t want to go through the trouble (and the expense) if it’s likely that the game won’t be played. No one, not spectators, umpires, or players, really wants to play in a downpour. So games are cancelled on even the credible threat of rain. Good thing, too, as it’s raining in my classroom already.[1]
Since I wasn’t umpiring this week, I got to watch a good bit of baseball. I know that both of my readers want to hear what I have to say about…
The difference between radio and television
I watched the pregame for the inaugural game at the new park in Washington with ESPN on mute; simultaneously, I listened on Nationals radio. The Gnats starting lineup was introduced with mightily over-the-top praise for each player[2] while the theme from the Magnificent Seven played in the background. A DC-native opera star gave a vibrato-heavy performance of the national anthem. President Bush received a dramatic introduction. He delivered the ceremonial first pitch, which was a perfect strike according to the home team radio pimp. The Nachoman, though, knew different – ESPN clearly showed the pitch to be above head level.
The 8:05 scheduled start actually started at 8:20. The radio pimp noted dramatically that we should all remember where we were for the first pitch at the new stadium. So I have now added to my list of momentous events in American History:
· On February 22, 1980, I watched from my living room as the US hockey team beat the Soviets.[3]
· On January 28, 1986, when the space shuttle blew up, I watched from my living room couch with strep throat
· On Sepetember 11, 2001, I worked in my classroom and initially pooh-poohed reports that a plane had flown into the World Trade Center. ("So what?" I thought. "Probably some drunk idiot in a Cessna.")
· And now, on March 30, 2008, I watched from the living room couch as President George “Curly W” Bush inaugurated Nationals Ballpark To Be Given A Corporate Name Later. Whoopie.
All I actually remember about this momentous occasion was the ESPN graphic noting that the cost of Nationals Park was $611 million. That’s $2 per American citizen. Me, I’d rather keep my 16 bits and let Ted Lerner pay for his own toys.
The next candidate for Steve Sax / Chuck Knoblauch disease
First inning, Opening Day in Cincinnati, the D-Backs second batter hit a hot shot to third base. Edwin Encarnacion picked it clean. With plenty of time, he threw a lollypop high to first, causing the first baseman to come off the bag. Result: E-5, one unearned run in the inning in an eventual 4-2 Reds loss.
I mention this because it seems that Mr. Encarnacion has had this trouble for several years. He makes quick, difficult throws easily. However, if he has time, fans hold their breath. Sound familiar? That was the same problem faced by eventual Yankees Steve Sax and Chuck Knoblauch late in their careers. Now, I recognize that Mssrs. Sax and Knoblauch were second basemen, who routinely screwed up throws that the Nachoman could make in his sleep. But I put it to you: is a third baseman eligible to have Sax-Knoblauch syndrome?
This is Bobby Cox’s fault
Monday night final from Atlanta: Pirates 12, Braves 11 (12 innings). The line score tells a deeper story. The Braves led 4-2 after five innings. Then the Pirates scored 7 runs to lead in the 9th. But, the Braves rallied with 5 in the 9th to tie. The game was scoreless until the 12th, when the Pirates scored 3; Atlanta managed to respond with 2 in the bottom of the 12th, but that was it.
Take a look at the box score, which gives further incriminating details. Atlanta manager Bobby Cox used 22 of the 25 players on his roster. That was not necessarily the problem, especially in a long extra-inning game. It’s the pitching lines that should cause Atlanta fans to groan.
Everyone associated with the Braves would place their bullpen somewhere along a spectrum running from “unproven” to “shaky” and all the way to “stinky.” On Monday, starter Tom Glavine managed only five strong innings. Mr. Cox was tasked with manipulating his relievers to hold a two-run lead. He sent Chris Resop (career ERA 5.56) out for the sixth, causing the lead to shrink by a run. Mr. Resop came out to begin the seventh, but was replaced after warm-ups by Will Ohman.[4] Mr. Ohman faced two batters before being replaced by Peter Moylan; two more batters later, Royce Ring came in to finish off the inning.
Okay, you say, the Nachoman is simply perturbed at Mr. Cox for making three pitching changes in the same inning. Of course I’m angry about that – I hate baseball games that drag on. What truly maddens me, beyond mere personal begrudgement, is that I don’t think it is even good strategy to use pitchers for short stints, except perhaps on rare occasions. The small advantage that might be gained by a platoon advantage or man-on-man matchup I think is outweighed by upsetting the rhythm of a pitcher. I would like to see some stats on how a reliever performs as a function of number of batters faced. My hunch is that performance might peak with the third to sixth batter. Anyone want to do the research?
Anyway, Bobby’s urge to burn relievers came back to haunt him later. In the 12th, he was forced to resort to Blaine Boyer, whose experience numbered 42 major league innings over three seasons. The result: leadoff hit, sacrifice, walk, three run dinger.
Come on, Nachoman, you say. Quit yer whinin’. Mr. Boyer was on the roster, Bobby’d be stupid not to give him the ball occasionally. What better time than in an extra inning game?
Right, right, I’m not even knocking Bobby for using Mr. Boyer. I’m just sayin’ two things here:
1. Bobby would have presented himself with MORE CHOICES in extra innings had he used his relievers for as long as they were effective. I mean, what if the game had gone 13 or 14 innings?
2. Warming up a pitcher for a third of an inning, possibly burning him for action on the following day, seems awfully wasteful to me. The Braves had a Tuesday off day, so Monday's bullpen wastage didn't have much effect. But Bobby did the same thing on Wednesday, using multiple relievers for short stints. Then in extra innings Thursday night, Chris Resop played in the outfield for a while so that enough pitchers would be available.
3. Having gone to Umpire School, I’m obliged to criticize Bobby wherever possible, because he returns the favor to the umpires. (I also learned that it is legal for a pitcher to leave the mound, assume another defensive position, AND return to the mound once per inning.)
Some subtle advertising you may have missed
The plate umpire for Pittsburgh-Atlanta on Monday night was long time veteran Joe West, country singer and designer/peddler of “West Vest” protective gear for umpires. (You can check out both of Mr. West’s pastimes at www.joewestmusic.com and www.umpirejoewest.com.)
On a cold evening in Atlanta, Mr. West wore an overcoat, but not over the usual umpire’s black shirt. His coat showed the top of his chest, 1970’s style, so that we would expect to see John Travolta-style exposure. But, of course, Mr. West wore a West Vest chest protector, much of which, including the giant “W” logo, was obviously visible. I guess only other umpires would consider such attire an advertisement, but that’s what it was…
Moderately amusing offbeat news story of the week #1
From the Idaho Statesman:
A 35-year-old Boise man accused of throwing a McDonald’s hamburger at another motorist during a “road rage” incident on Tuesday night is charged with misdemeanor battery and resisting arrest.
Mmmm… so, if the Nachoman manages to enrage a driver in the Taco Bell parking lot… FREE TACOS!
What this baseball executive really meant to say…
"With Barry Bonds gone, this is a club at the beginning of a new era." -- Peter Magowan, president, SF Giants
“With Barry Bonds gone four years ago, he and his entourage banishéd from the clubhouse, and the money they paid him suitably reinvested in developing players, this is a club that COULD HAVE BEEN at the peak of their new era right now.” -- the Nachoman
Am I on drugs without knowing it?
I’m watching the Arizona broadcast of the Diamondbacks against the Reds in Cincinnati. They’re interviewing Mr. Redlegs in the booth. Mr. Redlegs, for the uninitiated, is the Reds mascot with the enormous baseball for a head.[5] Interview topics included Mr. Redlegs’ opinion on a called strike three; the legitimacy of the mascot rooting openly for the home team in the visitors’ broadcast booth; Mr. Redlegs’ resemblance to Mr. Met; and the apparent behind-the-scenes feud between Mr. Redlegs and Mr. Red.
Even Burrito Girl, who proudly proclaims her ignorance about all things baseball, asked the question: HOW CAN THEY INTERVIEW A MASCOT WHO CAN’T TALK?
Well, to the Diamonbacks announcers’ credit, they carried off a difficult gig on this day. Although the Nachoman has been known to yell at the television during a Monday Night Football celebrity visit, the Mr. Redlegs interview was so surreal it became amusing. I mean, why not… in a sparsely attended day game on the third day of the season, why not get a bit silly for a half inning? Kudos especially to the play-by-play man for actually keeping focus on the game while Mr. Redlegs mimed; and a round of applause goes to the director, who showed Mr. Redlegs’ antics while still showing every bit of game action.
More to the point, is Dusty Baker on drugs?
Rookie Johnny Cueto put on a pitching clinic for seven innings Thursday in his major league debut. I watched with my jaw in my lap. Understand that for two decades or more I have watched the Reds bring up much-hyped young fireballers to make their first starts. In virtually every case, the gentleman in question has walked the leadoff hitter along with about five more batters before giving up the ghost around about the fourth inning. You’ll forgive me if I was skeptical about Mr. Cueto’s debut.
This 22-year-old turned out to be more than merely a nervous ball of unfulfilled expectations.[6] Even though he started last year in single-A, he was more than ready for prime time. Against the team the Nachoman picked to win the NL West, Mr. Cueto pitched perfect ball through five innings. He allowed one hit – a home run to Justin Upton – no walks, and ten (count ‘em – 10!) strikeouts. More important, Mr. Cueto did not fool around. He threw strikes all day. Even the balls were usually just off the corners. When he got ahead 0-2 or 1-2, he didn’t “waste” a pitch. No indeed, he usually sent in a nasty, diving change-up right on or just barely off of the corner. His mechanics seemed under control. Though he was blowing 96 mph heat by D-back after D-back, Mr. Cueto never looked like he was giving more than cruise control level effort. Whenever folks complain that the Nachoman lacks an aesthetic sense, I note that my perception of beauty is simply different from theirs. Most people like ballet, or Renaissance paintings; I appreciate good pitching.
After seven innings, the Reds (having left ten men on base) led 3-1. Mr. Cueto had thrown 92 easy-looking pitches. So, obviously, I guess, Dusty Baker yoinked his dominant starter in favor of David Weathers. Probably Mr. Baker could hear the Nachoman rending garments, even across the 500 mile distance.
I might need to remind those of you who were not as traumatized as I of the recent history of the Reds bullpen. No Nasty Boys these… I can’t remember whether they cost the Reds 30 or 40 games last year. When these folks came a-trotting in, true Reds fans either changed the channel or buried their heads in the couch cushions.
Sure enough…
Mr. Cuerto went to a 3-ball count maybe – MAYBE – once all night. David Weathers, however, walked the second batter he faced. And the third. And the fourth. He gave way to Mike Lincoln (career ERA 5.15) and angry boos from the home crowd. Mr. Lincoln allowed a sac fly, but escaped the jam.
Next, Francisco Cordero entered and retired the side 1-2-3 – but went to 3-ball counts on two of his three hitters. I was nervous and antsy throughout the bullpens’ exploits on Thursday, while the 22-year-old first-time starter had me relaxed, enjoying a masterful performance. Now, it’s a good thing I’m not the Reds owner or GM, because I propose a two-pronged plan for this staff:
1. An inverse-decimation[7] of the bullpen, and
2. The appointment of Johnny Cueto as pitching coach.
Moderately amusing offbeat news story of the week #2
Fox News reports that a Sydney, Australia man called police for help because he was being raped by a wombat.
Thing is, no fewer than *three* sports websites used this story this week. What does that say about sports fans? And me, for reading these sites?
You don’t say?
Regarding Wombat Man, “Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in [Wombat Man’s] life.”
Fox News, is Jerry Springer your head writer?
Now, I’m not one to pick on Fox News in particular, but this must say something about their readers. Among the “most read” stories on the side of the screen:
Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table
Lawsuit: Huge Atom Smasher Could Destroy World
Kate Bosworth Gets Drunk to Shoot Love Scene, Can't Remember It
Pop Tarts: Miley Cyrus: 'Faith Keeps Me Grounded'
Teen's Underwear Dance at McDonald's Leads to Robbery, Assault Arrest
Lawyer: Woman Forced to Remove Nipple Rings at Airport
More shocking, shocking news
Mike Hampton of the Braves was scratched just before Thursday’s scheduled start because he felt discomfort while warming up.
A cautionary tale of opulence and stupidity.
In Boca Raton, Florida, the former haunt of the Nachoman, the captain of the West Boca High School cheerleading squad died of complications during breast augmentation surgery. See the article here from the Palm Beach Post. I will not at all go into angry social commentary about the vapidity of life in Boca Raton, other than to note that I do *not* live there anymore, and for good reason. However, I will include two quotations from the article, and let my readers draw their own scary conclusions, these being that Boca Raton should be leased to the US Air Force for nuclear testing:
Since I wasn’t umpiring this week, I got to watch a good bit of baseball. I know that both of my readers want to hear what I have to say about…
The difference between radio and television
I watched the pregame for the inaugural game at the new park in Washington with ESPN on mute; simultaneously, I listened on Nationals radio. The Gnats starting lineup was introduced with mightily over-the-top praise for each player[2] while the theme from the Magnificent Seven played in the background. A DC-native opera star gave a vibrato-heavy performance of the national anthem. President Bush received a dramatic introduction. He delivered the ceremonial first pitch, which was a perfect strike according to the home team radio pimp. The Nachoman, though, knew different – ESPN clearly showed the pitch to be above head level.
The 8:05 scheduled start actually started at 8:20. The radio pimp noted dramatically that we should all remember where we were for the first pitch at the new stadium. So I have now added to my list of momentous events in American History:
· On February 22, 1980, I watched from my living room as the US hockey team beat the Soviets.[3]
· On January 28, 1986, when the space shuttle blew up, I watched from my living room couch with strep throat
· On Sepetember 11, 2001, I worked in my classroom and initially pooh-poohed reports that a plane had flown into the World Trade Center. ("So what?" I thought. "Probably some drunk idiot in a Cessna.")
· And now, on March 30, 2008, I watched from the living room couch as President George “Curly W” Bush inaugurated Nationals Ballpark To Be Given A Corporate Name Later. Whoopie.
All I actually remember about this momentous occasion was the ESPN graphic noting that the cost of Nationals Park was $611 million. That’s $2 per American citizen. Me, I’d rather keep my 16 bits and let Ted Lerner pay for his own toys.
The next candidate for Steve Sax / Chuck Knoblauch disease
First inning, Opening Day in Cincinnati, the D-Backs second batter hit a hot shot to third base. Edwin Encarnacion picked it clean. With plenty of time, he threw a lollypop high to first, causing the first baseman to come off the bag. Result: E-5, one unearned run in the inning in an eventual 4-2 Reds loss.
I mention this because it seems that Mr. Encarnacion has had this trouble for several years. He makes quick, difficult throws easily. However, if he has time, fans hold their breath. Sound familiar? That was the same problem faced by eventual Yankees Steve Sax and Chuck Knoblauch late in their careers. Now, I recognize that Mssrs. Sax and Knoblauch were second basemen, who routinely screwed up throws that the Nachoman could make in his sleep. But I put it to you: is a third baseman eligible to have Sax-Knoblauch syndrome?
This is Bobby Cox’s fault
Monday night final from Atlanta: Pirates 12, Braves 11 (12 innings). The line score tells a deeper story. The Braves led 4-2 after five innings. Then the Pirates scored 7 runs to lead in the 9th. But, the Braves rallied with 5 in the 9th to tie. The game was scoreless until the 12th, when the Pirates scored 3; Atlanta managed to respond with 2 in the bottom of the 12th, but that was it.
Take a look at the box score, which gives further incriminating details. Atlanta manager Bobby Cox used 22 of the 25 players on his roster. That was not necessarily the problem, especially in a long extra-inning game. It’s the pitching lines that should cause Atlanta fans to groan.
Everyone associated with the Braves would place their bullpen somewhere along a spectrum running from “unproven” to “shaky” and all the way to “stinky.” On Monday, starter Tom Glavine managed only five strong innings. Mr. Cox was tasked with manipulating his relievers to hold a two-run lead. He sent Chris Resop (career ERA 5.56) out for the sixth, causing the lead to shrink by a run. Mr. Resop came out to begin the seventh, but was replaced after warm-ups by Will Ohman.[4] Mr. Ohman faced two batters before being replaced by Peter Moylan; two more batters later, Royce Ring came in to finish off the inning.
Okay, you say, the Nachoman is simply perturbed at Mr. Cox for making three pitching changes in the same inning. Of course I’m angry about that – I hate baseball games that drag on. What truly maddens me, beyond mere personal begrudgement, is that I don’t think it is even good strategy to use pitchers for short stints, except perhaps on rare occasions. The small advantage that might be gained by a platoon advantage or man-on-man matchup I think is outweighed by upsetting the rhythm of a pitcher. I would like to see some stats on how a reliever performs as a function of number of batters faced. My hunch is that performance might peak with the third to sixth batter. Anyone want to do the research?
Anyway, Bobby’s urge to burn relievers came back to haunt him later. In the 12th, he was forced to resort to Blaine Boyer, whose experience numbered 42 major league innings over three seasons. The result: leadoff hit, sacrifice, walk, three run dinger.
Come on, Nachoman, you say. Quit yer whinin’. Mr. Boyer was on the roster, Bobby’d be stupid not to give him the ball occasionally. What better time than in an extra inning game?
Right, right, I’m not even knocking Bobby for using Mr. Boyer. I’m just sayin’ two things here:
1. Bobby would have presented himself with MORE CHOICES in extra innings had he used his relievers for as long as they were effective. I mean, what if the game had gone 13 or 14 innings?
2. Warming up a pitcher for a third of an inning, possibly burning him for action on the following day, seems awfully wasteful to me. The Braves had a Tuesday off day, so Monday's bullpen wastage didn't have much effect. But Bobby did the same thing on Wednesday, using multiple relievers for short stints. Then in extra innings Thursday night, Chris Resop played in the outfield for a while so that enough pitchers would be available.
3. Having gone to Umpire School, I’m obliged to criticize Bobby wherever possible, because he returns the favor to the umpires. (I also learned that it is legal for a pitcher to leave the mound, assume another defensive position, AND return to the mound once per inning.)
Some subtle advertising you may have missed
The plate umpire for Pittsburgh-Atlanta on Monday night was long time veteran Joe West, country singer and designer/peddler of “West Vest” protective gear for umpires. (You can check out both of Mr. West’s pastimes at www.joewestmusic.com and www.umpirejoewest.com.)
On a cold evening in Atlanta, Mr. West wore an overcoat, but not over the usual umpire’s black shirt. His coat showed the top of his chest, 1970’s style, so that we would expect to see John Travolta-style exposure. But, of course, Mr. West wore a West Vest chest protector, much of which, including the giant “W” logo, was obviously visible. I guess only other umpires would consider such attire an advertisement, but that’s what it was…
Moderately amusing offbeat news story of the week #1
From the Idaho Statesman:
A 35-year-old Boise man accused of throwing a McDonald’s hamburger at another motorist during a “road rage” incident on Tuesday night is charged with misdemeanor battery and resisting arrest.
Mmmm… so, if the Nachoman manages to enrage a driver in the Taco Bell parking lot… FREE TACOS!
What this baseball executive really meant to say…
"With Barry Bonds gone, this is a club at the beginning of a new era." -- Peter Magowan, president, SF Giants
“With Barry Bonds gone four years ago, he and his entourage banishéd from the clubhouse, and the money they paid him suitably reinvested in developing players, this is a club that COULD HAVE BEEN at the peak of their new era right now.” -- the Nachoman
Am I on drugs without knowing it?
I’m watching the Arizona broadcast of the Diamondbacks against the Reds in Cincinnati. They’re interviewing Mr. Redlegs in the booth. Mr. Redlegs, for the uninitiated, is the Reds mascot with the enormous baseball for a head.[5] Interview topics included Mr. Redlegs’ opinion on a called strike three; the legitimacy of the mascot rooting openly for the home team in the visitors’ broadcast booth; Mr. Redlegs’ resemblance to Mr. Met; and the apparent behind-the-scenes feud between Mr. Redlegs and Mr. Red.
Even Burrito Girl, who proudly proclaims her ignorance about all things baseball, asked the question: HOW CAN THEY INTERVIEW A MASCOT WHO CAN’T TALK?
Well, to the Diamonbacks announcers’ credit, they carried off a difficult gig on this day. Although the Nachoman has been known to yell at the television during a Monday Night Football celebrity visit, the Mr. Redlegs interview was so surreal it became amusing. I mean, why not… in a sparsely attended day game on the third day of the season, why not get a bit silly for a half inning? Kudos especially to the play-by-play man for actually keeping focus on the game while Mr. Redlegs mimed; and a round of applause goes to the director, who showed Mr. Redlegs’ antics while still showing every bit of game action.
More to the point, is Dusty Baker on drugs?
Rookie Johnny Cueto put on a pitching clinic for seven innings Thursday in his major league debut. I watched with my jaw in my lap. Understand that for two decades or more I have watched the Reds bring up much-hyped young fireballers to make their first starts. In virtually every case, the gentleman in question has walked the leadoff hitter along with about five more batters before giving up the ghost around about the fourth inning. You’ll forgive me if I was skeptical about Mr. Cueto’s debut.
This 22-year-old turned out to be more than merely a nervous ball of unfulfilled expectations.[6] Even though he started last year in single-A, he was more than ready for prime time. Against the team the Nachoman picked to win the NL West, Mr. Cueto pitched perfect ball through five innings. He allowed one hit – a home run to Justin Upton – no walks, and ten (count ‘em – 10!) strikeouts. More important, Mr. Cueto did not fool around. He threw strikes all day. Even the balls were usually just off the corners. When he got ahead 0-2 or 1-2, he didn’t “waste” a pitch. No indeed, he usually sent in a nasty, diving change-up right on or just barely off of the corner. His mechanics seemed under control. Though he was blowing 96 mph heat by D-back after D-back, Mr. Cueto never looked like he was giving more than cruise control level effort. Whenever folks complain that the Nachoman lacks an aesthetic sense, I note that my perception of beauty is simply different from theirs. Most people like ballet, or Renaissance paintings; I appreciate good pitching.
After seven innings, the Reds (having left ten men on base) led 3-1. Mr. Cueto had thrown 92 easy-looking pitches. So, obviously, I guess, Dusty Baker yoinked his dominant starter in favor of David Weathers. Probably Mr. Baker could hear the Nachoman rending garments, even across the 500 mile distance.
I might need to remind those of you who were not as traumatized as I of the recent history of the Reds bullpen. No Nasty Boys these… I can’t remember whether they cost the Reds 30 or 40 games last year. When these folks came a-trotting in, true Reds fans either changed the channel or buried their heads in the couch cushions.
Sure enough…
Mr. Cuerto went to a 3-ball count maybe – MAYBE – once all night. David Weathers, however, walked the second batter he faced. And the third. And the fourth. He gave way to Mike Lincoln (career ERA 5.15) and angry boos from the home crowd. Mr. Lincoln allowed a sac fly, but escaped the jam.
Next, Francisco Cordero entered and retired the side 1-2-3 – but went to 3-ball counts on two of his three hitters. I was nervous and antsy throughout the bullpens’ exploits on Thursday, while the 22-year-old first-time starter had me relaxed, enjoying a masterful performance. Now, it’s a good thing I’m not the Reds owner or GM, because I propose a two-pronged plan for this staff:
1. An inverse-decimation[7] of the bullpen, and
2. The appointment of Johnny Cueto as pitching coach.
Moderately amusing offbeat news story of the week #2
Fox News reports that a Sydney, Australia man called police for help because he was being raped by a wombat.
Thing is, no fewer than *three* sports websites used this story this week. What does that say about sports fans? And me, for reading these sites?
You don’t say?
Regarding Wombat Man, “Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in [Wombat Man’s] life.”
Fox News, is Jerry Springer your head writer?
Now, I’m not one to pick on Fox News in particular, but this must say something about their readers. Among the “most read” stories on the side of the screen:
Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table
Lawsuit: Huge Atom Smasher Could Destroy World
Kate Bosworth Gets Drunk to Shoot Love Scene, Can't Remember It
Pop Tarts: Miley Cyrus: 'Faith Keeps Me Grounded'
Teen's Underwear Dance at McDonald's Leads to Robbery, Assault Arrest
Lawyer: Woman Forced to Remove Nipple Rings at Airport
More shocking, shocking news
Mike Hampton of the Braves was scratched just before Thursday’s scheduled start because he felt discomfort while warming up.
A cautionary tale of opulence and stupidity.
In Boca Raton, Florida, the former haunt of the Nachoman, the captain of the West Boca High School cheerleading squad died of complications during breast augmentation surgery. See the article here from the Palm Beach Post. I will not at all go into angry social commentary about the vapidity of life in Boca Raton, other than to note that I do *not* live there anymore, and for good reason. However, I will include two quotations from the article, and let my readers draw their own scary conclusions, these being that Boca Raton should be leased to the US Air Force for nuclear testing:
1. “In her reserved "senior" parking spot, the one where she parked her white Lexus every school day, friends placed more flowers, teddy bears and pictures.”
2. Kuleba was beloved by classmates at West Boca High, more than 400 of whom gathered outside the school Sunday night for a candlelight vigil…Organizers charged $1 for each candle at the vigil -- money that will be given to Kuleba's family for expenses.
Now please don’t get after the Nachoman for insensitivity. I do feel sorry for this girl. I mean, no one expects to die from what is today considered minor surgery. And, though I rail viciously at participants in Boca’s image-is-everything culture, I’m in no way suggesting that this poor girl’s death was appropriate karmic retribution. What I’m angry about is (a) parents and teenagers who feel that arranging for a high school student to have a boob job (or even to have a Lexus!) is an appropriate use of resources; and far, far worse, (b) fellow students who feel a need to DONATE MONEY to a family that makes such financial decisions. This is why other counties hate the USA… and why I hate Boca Raton.
What do Nutella, strawberries, and a duck have in common?
Alexandra Paressant is a “French Model” who claimed to have affairs with Ronaldino and Tony Parker. Multiple independent investigations of her claims show them to be fraudulent; and she herself is a fraud, with faked pictures on MySpace and even on her French national ID card. Dana Kennedy of The Huffington Post[8] did some excellent investigative reporting to expose this compulsive liar.
“Paressant … contacted [a website] with images of what she said were text messages from Parker and stories about their alleged sex life involving Nutella, strawberries and a ...duck.”
Now, how does the Nachoman find out about this sort of stuff? I read the Huffington Post, of course. Or, rather, (ahem) I read The Sports Guy, who linked to this story in early January. Read the entire article: Dana Kennedy: Tony Parker's French Fatal Attraction And Me - Entertainment on The Huffington Post
This week’s prize for “most inappropriate historical reference in a sports column”
…goes to Furman Bisher in his Atlanta Journal-Constitution blog:
“Money can change any habit. Eight springs ago the Mets and Cubs opened the season, not in Cincinnati. Guess where? Tokyo. That Tokyo, the guys who gave us Pearl Harbor. Some people don’t like you to bring that up, trade with Japan is so hot. But I’ve got a long memory. I saw what a few bombs can do to our property.”
Wow… how is it that sports journalists nationwide are spending hundreds of thousands of words whining about whether or not to be offended by imagery of LaBron James and Giselle Bundchen, while Mr. Bisher’s impolitic idiocy draws ire only from the clever gentlemen at firejoemorgan.com?[9]
Now please don’t get after the Nachoman for insensitivity. I do feel sorry for this girl. I mean, no one expects to die from what is today considered minor surgery. And, though I rail viciously at participants in Boca’s image-is-everything culture, I’m in no way suggesting that this poor girl’s death was appropriate karmic retribution. What I’m angry about is (a) parents and teenagers who feel that arranging for a high school student to have a boob job (or even to have a Lexus!) is an appropriate use of resources; and far, far worse, (b) fellow students who feel a need to DONATE MONEY to a family that makes such financial decisions. This is why other counties hate the USA… and why I hate Boca Raton.
What do Nutella, strawberries, and a duck have in common?
Alexandra Paressant is a “French Model” who claimed to have affairs with Ronaldino and Tony Parker. Multiple independent investigations of her claims show them to be fraudulent; and she herself is a fraud, with faked pictures on MySpace and even on her French national ID card. Dana Kennedy of The Huffington Post[8] did some excellent investigative reporting to expose this compulsive liar.
“Paressant … contacted [a website] with images of what she said were text messages from Parker and stories about their alleged sex life involving Nutella, strawberries and a ...duck.”
Now, how does the Nachoman find out about this sort of stuff? I read the Huffington Post, of course. Or, rather, (ahem) I read The Sports Guy, who linked to this story in early January. Read the entire article: Dana Kennedy: Tony Parker's French Fatal Attraction And Me - Entertainment on The Huffington Post
This week’s prize for “most inappropriate historical reference in a sports column”
…goes to Furman Bisher in his Atlanta Journal-Constitution blog:
“Money can change any habit. Eight springs ago the Mets and Cubs opened the season, not in Cincinnati. Guess where? Tokyo. That Tokyo, the guys who gave us Pearl Harbor. Some people don’t like you to bring that up, trade with Japan is so hot. But I’ve got a long memory. I saw what a few bombs can do to our property.”
Wow… how is it that sports journalists nationwide are spending hundreds of thousands of words whining about whether or not to be offended by imagery of LaBron James and Giselle Bundchen, while Mr. Bisher’s impolitic idiocy draws ire only from the clever gentlemen at firejoemorgan.com?[9]
Speaking of Mr. James and Ms. Bundchen
Thirty years ago a black guy would never have been allowed on the cover of Vogue whatsoever, let alone portrayed in an interracial embrace. Thirty years ago, this cover would have provoked foamed spittle from dangerous, powerful, and ignorant right-wing elements for its mere existence. Last week, this cover provoked foamed spittle from benign, impotent, and usually ignorant journalists who were desperate for something to fill out their columns. Charles Barkely is right – I wish “sports journalists” would stop opining about race and politics, and just stick to sports. Problem is, says Charles, they don’t know anything about sports to start with!
Broadcaster quotation of the week
"Prince Fielder, the largest vegetarian since stegosaurus, comes up to the plate."
-- ESPN.com's Jim Caple
Thanks to the Ribbie Reporter for passing that one along.
Speaking of the Ribbie Reporter…
Jacob Geiger, a.k.a. the Ribbie Reporter, sent along his opening day notes. I intended to write my yearly discussion of the Nachoman Quality Start (NQS) in this week’s column, but Mr. Reporter took care of that for me in his post. Check out his work on the previous post to this site.
Next Week
Burrito Girl keeps talking about getting a bunny. I hope she’s not also acquiring Nutella and strawberries.
Broadcaster quotation of the week
"Prince Fielder, the largest vegetarian since stegosaurus, comes up to the plate."
-- ESPN.com's Jim Caple
Thanks to the Ribbie Reporter for passing that one along.
Speaking of the Ribbie Reporter…
Jacob Geiger, a.k.a. the Ribbie Reporter, sent along his opening day notes. I intended to write my yearly discussion of the Nachoman Quality Start (NQS) in this week’s column, but Mr. Reporter took care of that for me in his post. Check out his work on the previous post to this site.
Next Week
Burrito Girl keeps talking about getting a bunny. I hope she’s not also acquiring Nutella and strawberries.
NM
[1] Really. The Woodberry science building needs a new roof. Either that or a thorough renovation using TNT.
[2] Even Ronnie Belliard
[3] Although I know now that the game was tape delayed.
[4] Thus incurring the wrath of the Nachoman for delay of game.
[5] As distinct from Mr. Red, the *other* Reds mascot with the enormous baseball head. You can tell them apart because Mr. Redlegs has a mustache and a stripy red hat.
[6] At least for his first start
[7] i.e. eliminate not one of every ten, but NINE of every ten
[8] Whatever that is
[9] The Nachoman especially likes how the FJM folks included the label “Pearl Harbor the harbor not the movie” on this post.
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