The Nachoman is angry tonight…
I am working the Nationals-Mets game for STATS. Nats pitcher John Lannan looked very good, pitching 6 innings and only giving up a single run. Problem is, the rest of the Gnats seem to stink.
In the first inning, Wily Mo Pena dropped a fly ball in right field, which was scored as an RBI double. Had he made that play, Mr. Lannan would not have even given up one run. Then in the eighth, with the Gnats leading 2-1, second baseman Ronnie Belliard couldn’t pick up an easy-peasy grounder. So, Manny Acta brought in reliever Luis Ayala, who walked the only batter he faced, putting the tying run on 2nd base. Sure enough, after another pitching change, Carlos Delgado singled in the tying run.
Why is the Nachoman mad, then? It’s not like I’m a Nationals fan. But, the game went into extra innings, the bane of my statistical existence. Rather than ending the game at 9:30, polishing off the column, downing a couple late night Nathan’s Hot Dogs and going to bed, I’m still watching the butt end of the teams’ bullpens go at each other at a rate of one pitch per 55 seconds or so.
So while I writhe in 14th inning agony, I present you with some items about baseball, and other stuff…
Know your cathedrals quiz
Sports stadia are the modern equivalent of medieval cathedrals – elaborate, publicly financed gathering places for public worship. While the Nachoman will admit to no aesthetic sense when it comes to art or dance, I appreciate the beauty of a football or baseball stadium.
But, can the Nachoman, a purported expert on sports cathedrals, even identify the very structures that inspire his spirituality? I tried this stadium quiz. It shows a picture of a stadium, and four choices of its identity. See if you can beat the Nachoman’s 9/10… and look to the end of the column to see which one I missed.
Nacho Bites from the standings
MLB.com has a great standings page, which allows the reader to select which columns are displayed. So, I can turn off the home-road splits, and instead look at teams’ records in 1-run games. I played with this page for a while on Thursday. Here’s what I noticed:
· The best record in baseball so far: The Cardinals and Diamondbacks, both at 11-4. Who would’ve thunk? I picked the Cards to be the least improved team, and many pundits pointed to the Diamondbacks of 2007 winning a lot of 1-run games as evidence that they would decline this year. It’s still early, but so far these pundits – and the Nachoman – look like idiots.[1]
· The hottest teams in baseball: The Cubbies and the Diamondbacks, both of whom are 8-2 over the last 10 games.
· The White Sox have faced more lefthanded starters than righthanded starters! They have a slightly winning record against both orientations.
· The Marlins lead the NL east, sporting a 4-0 record in 1-run games. They have outperformed their Pythagorean prediction[2] by 3 games. The Braves are in fourth place, sporting an 0-7 record in 1-run games. They have underperformed their Pythagorean prediction by 3 games. Moral: neither team has shown itself to be particularly awesome so far this year. (Thanks to the Atlanta Cracker for pointing this out in the science lounge today.)
· Speaking of runs scored: the Diamondbacks have outscored the second-highest-scoring team by 15%. AND they have Brandon Webb. These facts should frighten the National League.
· San Francisco is closest to being mathematically eliminated from the division title race. Their “magic number” is 142, meaning any combination of 142 wins by the D-backs and losses by the Giants spells doom for the season. That may seem like a lot, but please check back in June.
Snow flurries forecast in heck
Let’s look at the ERA leaders after three or four starts. #1: Kansas City Royal Zach Greinke, 0.75. #3: Royal Brian Bannister, 0.86. Who are these guys?
Well, the Kansas City Royals entered the American League as a 1969 expansion franchise. They were named in honor of the American Royal Livestock Show, a noted annual Kansas City event. Numerous decades ago, when John Scheurholz held the reins as GM, the Royals were a strong team. They won the 1985 World Series over the Cardinals, with considerable help from a blown call at first base in game 6. Unless you watched a lot of baseball in 1985, though, you may not ever have heard of these Royals, except as a sort of baseball heck for players either too young or too bad to play elsewhere.
While 9-6 on April 17 does not necessarily foreshadow a playoff game coming to Kauffman Stadium, the Royals’ success is surprising enough to merit attention. If Mssrs. Greinke and Bannister continue to pitch well, Kansas City fans might not be able to stop drooling – first an NCAA championship for the Kansas Jayhawks,[3] then success from what for all my students’ lives has been a pond-scum franchise? What next, will the Chiefs win a playoff game?[4]
A television producer who will be sent to heck
The Nationals, who have a solid announcing team in the booth, nevertheless spent much of the third inning showing a buxom sideline reporter interviewing pitcher John Lannan’s father. Boux.
I just wish that John’s dad had mimicked John’s pregame interview, during which he gave one sentence answers to Don Sutton’s probing questions.
Reporter: “How exciting is it for you to see your son’s debut in Shea Stadium?”
Mr. Lannan: “Very.”
Reporter: “Did you ever expect that John would be pitching here someday?”
Mr. Lannan: “No.”
Even the elder Mr. Lannan seemed to know that this interview was a dumb idea. The sideline reporter asked what was in Mr. Lannan’s notebook – he was keeping score to the game, as he does for each of his son’s games. Mr. Lannan kept looking over the interviewer’s head, trying to see the game. Finally, mercifully, the woman shut up, saying “I’ll let you get back to the game.”
Van Winkle, Van Winkle, Baby.
Denver Nuggets and Cincinnati Bengals aren’t the only celebrities clogging the nation’s jails. “Robert Van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice, was arrested and booked into the Palm Beach County Jail on Thursday” for domestic battery.
I mean, really… “Vanilla Ice” was bad enough, but “Robert Van Winkle?”
High school game of the week
Wednesday night, Fluvanna County (VA) 8, Madison County 7. I actually can’t give too much of a summary, because I observed this game as the plate umpire – it was my first full game action. It was weird for this longtime baseball fan to follow a game from this perspective. You see, at umpire school, we never worked more than half an inning at a time, and sometimes not even that. We would be thrown into situations: “Okay, runners on 1st and 3rd, one out. Go.” At the time, I mused with other students about how much easier an actual game would be, where play develops naturally.
After Wednesday’s experience, I understand the method to the Wendelstedt school’s madness. I could not tell you, even after having been intimately involved in the game, exactly how the runs scored. I remember most of the individual plays, but not in which inning they occurred, or even which team was at bat at the time. Before each batter stepped into the box, I told myself the situation. All previous events in the inning were irrelevant, and thus forgotten in order to focus on the here and now. And, I was well-prepared to approach the game in this manner.
I felt like I worked a solid game behind the plate. I am comfortable with all of my ball-strike calls except two – I got fooled by a good curve ball that I called inside, but which on reflection I realize nailed the inside corner; and I called a ball outside that probably should have been a strike. What’s interesting, and simultaneously comforting and worrying, was the reaction of my partner to my game. He agreed that I did well, and that I probably missed only a few pitches. He approved of my strike zone, which he called “tight.” AARRGH! I always thought I had a loose zone. I wanted to call as many strikes as possible, to keep the game moving, and to keep the batters swinging. I know I missed those two, but I thought I called both low and high strikes, and I thought I was careful to call strikes on pitches even if they barely nipped the black of the plate on the way by. But I was “tight?” That’s the worst curse that the Nachoman can place upon an umpire! What happened?
What Mel, my partner, explained was that he liked my zone because it was straightforward and predictable. He claims that many local umpires take the mandate to “call as many strikes as possible” too far, giving pitchers six to eight inches off the plate. The pitchers become used to this enormous target, and then consider any nearly-rulebook zone to be “tight.” Okay, I guess I can live with that. I want to be a pitcher’s umpire, but I don’t want to reward bad pitching. I do know that, even though I called the vast majority of my pitches correctly, I got “tunnel vision” too frequently. (“Tunnel vision” occurs when an umpire sees a ball most of the way to the plate, but then fails to follow the last few feet of the ball’s path into the catcher’s mitt.) I’ll work on that.
Aside from the balls and strikes, I had only a few other calls, mainly straightforward fair-foul decisions. One play at the plate was bang-bang, when I called a Madison runner out on a relay from the first baseman. I was in correct position, saw the tag on the runner’s shoulder before he touched the plate, and so I made the call. Of course, the Fluvanna fans cheered, the Madison fans jeered. The Madison coach was not pleased. He politely but very firmly objected, contending that the runner got his hand on the plate before the tag was applied. (Some Madison fans shouted that he missed the tag, a clearly ridiculous statement.) But this is what a partner is for. Half an inning later, Mel strolled over and told me that he was sure I had it right all the way. Boy, did that make me feel better. I mean, I was pretty darn sure I got it, and I didn’t back down under the coach’s questioning. I didn’t NEED Mel to give me that moral support. But, he sure calmed me down. I think it would have been nice to hear from him even if I had blown the call… just hearing an unbiased, definitive opinion about my decision let me put the matter to rest.
One more amateur umpire update
Those readers who devoured the Nachoman’s running diary from Umpire School might remember Dan, the Toronto native who is an arctic aviation expert, proficient in Inuit-style hunting and outdoor skills,[5] and a successful freelance writer.
Well, Dan writes in that he went to a clinic to get his Ontario Umpire Certification. There, he taught the clinicians the correct interpretations of many rules. Based on his strong performance at the clinic, he was asked to work a showcase doubleheader at Skydome where the best high school players perform for major league scouts.
Says Dan: “During the plate meeting I took my place on the 1st base side and heard nothing that was said as I looked around at my child-hood team's baseball field from the dirt circle. I then trotted out to my position as the team took the field.” He reports that he adjusted quickly to the three-man system, despite the fact that he had never practiced three-man mechanics before.
Dan earned a number of “boo”s when he called two baserunners out on pickoffs; he went into the outfield to call a number of “trouble” balls. Behind the plate for the second game, he settled in well, despite the pitchers’ 90 mph heat and nasty curve balls. He’s looking forward to his regular season schedule, when he will work 6-8 games a week. Now that’s a good way for a freelance writer to occupy his spare time.
Would anyone under the age of 30 get it?
Carrie Muskat, mlb.com beat writer for the Cubs, has been deluged with mail since suggesting that newly appointed closer Kerry Wood should have his own theme song. In fact, the mail was so voluminous that Ms. Muskat told her readers to knock it off in this week’s Cubs Mailbag. She summarized the reader choices for Mr. Wood’s theme, including “Enter Sandman” (claimed by no less than two other major league closers – come on, Cubs fans, let’s have some originality here!) and the “Super Bowl Shuffle.”
The best choice from the fans came from two separate proposals that the Woody Woodpecker theme play as Mr. Wood enters each game.
Okay, that’s clever and all. I actually don’t object to closers jogging in from the bullpen while personal anthems play over the PA system. I suspect this phenomenon began when Charlie Sheen entered to “Wild Thing” in that great baseball movie from the late 1980s, Major League. If such shenanigans get the crowd riled up, get the closer’s blood boiling, well, far be it for a crusty fart like me to complain.
I do object, though, to the process involved here. “Let’s make Kerry a theme song!” says a beat writer. The fans rush madly to the polls; presumably, the Cubs promotional department holds focus groups and ideating sessions next. Eventually, a song is chosen by the fiat of a committee.
That’s not right. Nicknames, theme songs, and other baseball rituals should grow organically. Had the organist spontaneously played the Woody Woodpecker theme song one night when Kerry Wood entered the game, and had Mr. Wood earned a tough save on that night, well, the organist may well try the same thing the next night. Or Mr. Wood himself might ask to hear the same entrance music that “made” him so successful the day before. That’s how superstitions work, folks. They are not the product of corporate groupthink.
Two Cincinnati what-ifs
During Reds-Cubs Tuesday night, Thom Brennaman related a story about Lou Pinella’s departure from Cincinnati that I had not known before. Apparently, back in the early 1990s, Marge Schott had instructed her general manager to begin working on a contract extension for Sweet Lou. Except, Mr. Pinella thought that he should have been offered said extension much more quickly than he was. At some point, while the contract was actually in the works, Mr. Pinella gave up, packed his office, and shortly thereafter was managing the Mariners.
What if the evil Ms. Schott had satisfied the fiery Italian’s ego, and moved more quickly to re-sign him? Mr. Pinella spent most of the 1990s turning around the moribund Seattle franchise, turning them from pajama-clad jokes into Ken Griffey-led regular season monsters whose only major fault was failure in playoff series. Could Mr. Pinella have helped the Reds win more than one division title since 1990? Could he have prevented the 2000s nosedive of this once-proud franchise? One never knows. But, he sure as heck would have done a better job than Ray Knight, Jerry Narron, Dave Miley, and Pete MacKanin. Okay, granted, much of the trouble resulted from a demonic owner, an incompetent GM, and pitchers who couldn’t find the strike zone with a 60’6” pole. But it’s fun to wonder what, if anything, Lou could have done.
This story becomes act II to the more famous Cincinnati sports coaching what-if… In the mid-1970s, Bill Walsh, the developer of the West Coast Offense, coached under Paul Brown for the Bengals. When Brown retired from coaching, he did not choose Mr. Walsh as his successor. So, Mr. Walsh left for the West Coast. He helped develop Joe Montana and the San Francisco 49ers offense of the 1980s, winning four Super Bowls of his own (two in victories over the Bengals), and leaving the reins to George Seifert for a fifth.
What might have happened had Mr. Walsh remained in Cincinnati? Would Kenny Anderson, all-world quarterback and former baseball coach of the Nachoman, have been able to win a few Super Bowls? Would the Bengals, not the 49ers, been the team of the 80s? Would Mr. Walsh have been able to convince Mike Brown that he (Mr. Brown) knew nothing about football talent evaluation?
Surprise pitcher of the year – so far
The Nachoman had the fortune – or, more often, MISfortune – of following pitcher Ryan Dempster while he was with the Florida Marlins. I was going to ten Marlins games a year or so back in the late 1990s, and it seemed like Mr. Dempster pitched in half of them. I got used to seeing him walk five per game, and going to a 3-1 count on the rest of the batters he faced. After I moved from Florida, I returned to my roots, and tried to root for a terrible Reds team which (not coincidentally) had picked up Mr. Dempster. He seemed to get worse every time I saw him: nibble, nibble, nibble, couldn’t find the strike zone with a 60’6” pole, even though his 95 mph moving fastballs would blow away any hitter who bothered to swing.
Well, in his first two starts for the Cubs this year he looked nothing like the Ryan Dempster I knew. He walked two batters in each game, and gave up only one run.
Beware the small sample size, though. In Tuesday’s start against the slumping Reds, he walked five in six innings, and gave up four runs. If the Reds had any hitting ability, they would have scored many more. Now, I’ll give Mr. Dempster a bit of a break, since the wind was blowing out at Wrigley for this game. And, of course, because he won the game. A pitching coach might say that ESPECIALLY on a power-friendly night like Tuesday, it’s crazy to put people on via the walk – way too many of those walks are likely to come home via the home run.
A note for the NachoGrandpa
NachoGrandpa has always loved to see athletes who have serious academic credentials – masters degrees, serious college majors as opposed to “leisure studies,” and folks with diplomas from elite schools.
The Nachoman’s favorite pitcher outside Roy Oswalt has to be World Series starter Jeff Francis, who was a physics major in British Columbia before he started his professional baseball career. Perhaps I have found the NachoGrandpa’s new favorite pitcher: Nelson Figueroa, Mets starting pitcher, is from Brandeis.
Umpire of the week
I’ve always been a fan of Laz Diaz, whose commanding presence[6] and large strike zone keep a game moving and under control. He made an excellent call Thursday that initially baffled the Nationals announcers. With stolen base threat Jose Reyes on first base and one out, Ryan Church foul tipped a ball into the catcher’s mitt. On his backswing, Mr. Church hit the catcher’s glove, preventing him from throwing to second base. Mr. Diaz immediately called time, and sent Mr. Reyes back to first base. The ruling: backswing interference. No penalty, other than sending the baserunner back to first base. Mets manager Willie Randolph came out briefly so that Mr. Diaz could explain the ruling. Viewers saw Mr. Randolph mouth “backswing,” nod his head, and return to the dugout.
Update about last week’s Memphis-Kansas voting
Last week, the Nachoman discussed the state-by-state election returns voting who would win the NCAA basketball title. I said, "Worldwide[7], Memphis led 59%-41%. Only four of Kansas’s border states and the Dakotas believed in the Jayhawks. Oh, and, for some reason, Alaska."
The Ribbie Reporter, expert on all things Kansas, responds: “Ah, that reason is simple. Unlike Alaskans Carlos Boozer and Trajan Langdon, who both went to Duke, Super Mario (he of the Sports Illustrated cover and KU legend) left the frozen north and came to Lawrence to play ball.”
Which Stadium did the Nachoman miss?
I got some of the toughies: For question 8, the quiz showed only a façade that said “Memorial Stadium,” and asked just which Memorial Stadium, exactly, this was a picture of. I correctly selected that this was Nebraska’s memorial stadium, though I’ll admit that spending one week each year for eight years residing within a few hundred yards of said stadium helped the identification considerably. I also recognized Texas A&M’s stadium, even though I couldn’t see the “12th Man” writing on the façade in the picture provided.
I missed Comerica Park, which I misidentified as Safeco Field. The NachoGrandma will probably flay the Nachoman for this mistake, as the skyline of Detroit – where the NachoGrandma grew up – is obviously in the background.
Next Week…
I will probably still be at my desk, sleepily waiting for the Nationals or the Mets to score a run. If this game ever ends, perhaps on a bases loaded walk, I may be able to muster the energy to write again next Friday. You see, I wouldn’t want to disappoint my reader.
NM
I am working the Nationals-Mets game for STATS. Nats pitcher John Lannan looked very good, pitching 6 innings and only giving up a single run. Problem is, the rest of the Gnats seem to stink.
In the first inning, Wily Mo Pena dropped a fly ball in right field, which was scored as an RBI double. Had he made that play, Mr. Lannan would not have even given up one run. Then in the eighth, with the Gnats leading 2-1, second baseman Ronnie Belliard couldn’t pick up an easy-peasy grounder. So, Manny Acta brought in reliever Luis Ayala, who walked the only batter he faced, putting the tying run on 2nd base. Sure enough, after another pitching change, Carlos Delgado singled in the tying run.
Why is the Nachoman mad, then? It’s not like I’m a Nationals fan. But, the game went into extra innings, the bane of my statistical existence. Rather than ending the game at 9:30, polishing off the column, downing a couple late night Nathan’s Hot Dogs and going to bed, I’m still watching the butt end of the teams’ bullpens go at each other at a rate of one pitch per 55 seconds or so.
So while I writhe in 14th inning agony, I present you with some items about baseball, and other stuff…
Know your cathedrals quiz
Sports stadia are the modern equivalent of medieval cathedrals – elaborate, publicly financed gathering places for public worship. While the Nachoman will admit to no aesthetic sense when it comes to art or dance, I appreciate the beauty of a football or baseball stadium.
But, can the Nachoman, a purported expert on sports cathedrals, even identify the very structures that inspire his spirituality? I tried this stadium quiz. It shows a picture of a stadium, and four choices of its identity. See if you can beat the Nachoman’s 9/10… and look to the end of the column to see which one I missed.
Nacho Bites from the standings
MLB.com has a great standings page, which allows the reader to select which columns are displayed. So, I can turn off the home-road splits, and instead look at teams’ records in 1-run games. I played with this page for a while on Thursday. Here’s what I noticed:
· The best record in baseball so far: The Cardinals and Diamondbacks, both at 11-4. Who would’ve thunk? I picked the Cards to be the least improved team, and many pundits pointed to the Diamondbacks of 2007 winning a lot of 1-run games as evidence that they would decline this year. It’s still early, but so far these pundits – and the Nachoman – look like idiots.[1]
· The hottest teams in baseball: The Cubbies and the Diamondbacks, both of whom are 8-2 over the last 10 games.
· The White Sox have faced more lefthanded starters than righthanded starters! They have a slightly winning record against both orientations.
· The Marlins lead the NL east, sporting a 4-0 record in 1-run games. They have outperformed their Pythagorean prediction[2] by 3 games. The Braves are in fourth place, sporting an 0-7 record in 1-run games. They have underperformed their Pythagorean prediction by 3 games. Moral: neither team has shown itself to be particularly awesome so far this year. (Thanks to the Atlanta Cracker for pointing this out in the science lounge today.)
· Speaking of runs scored: the Diamondbacks have outscored the second-highest-scoring team by 15%. AND they have Brandon Webb. These facts should frighten the National League.
· San Francisco is closest to being mathematically eliminated from the division title race. Their “magic number” is 142, meaning any combination of 142 wins by the D-backs and losses by the Giants spells doom for the season. That may seem like a lot, but please check back in June.
Snow flurries forecast in heck
Let’s look at the ERA leaders after three or four starts. #1: Kansas City Royal Zach Greinke, 0.75. #3: Royal Brian Bannister, 0.86. Who are these guys?
Well, the Kansas City Royals entered the American League as a 1969 expansion franchise. They were named in honor of the American Royal Livestock Show, a noted annual Kansas City event. Numerous decades ago, when John Scheurholz held the reins as GM, the Royals were a strong team. They won the 1985 World Series over the Cardinals, with considerable help from a blown call at first base in game 6. Unless you watched a lot of baseball in 1985, though, you may not ever have heard of these Royals, except as a sort of baseball heck for players either too young or too bad to play elsewhere.
While 9-6 on April 17 does not necessarily foreshadow a playoff game coming to Kauffman Stadium, the Royals’ success is surprising enough to merit attention. If Mssrs. Greinke and Bannister continue to pitch well, Kansas City fans might not be able to stop drooling – first an NCAA championship for the Kansas Jayhawks,[3] then success from what for all my students’ lives has been a pond-scum franchise? What next, will the Chiefs win a playoff game?[4]
A television producer who will be sent to heck
The Nationals, who have a solid announcing team in the booth, nevertheless spent much of the third inning showing a buxom sideline reporter interviewing pitcher John Lannan’s father. Boux.
I just wish that John’s dad had mimicked John’s pregame interview, during which he gave one sentence answers to Don Sutton’s probing questions.
Reporter: “How exciting is it for you to see your son’s debut in Shea Stadium?”
Mr. Lannan: “Very.”
Reporter: “Did you ever expect that John would be pitching here someday?”
Mr. Lannan: “No.”
Even the elder Mr. Lannan seemed to know that this interview was a dumb idea. The sideline reporter asked what was in Mr. Lannan’s notebook – he was keeping score to the game, as he does for each of his son’s games. Mr. Lannan kept looking over the interviewer’s head, trying to see the game. Finally, mercifully, the woman shut up, saying “I’ll let you get back to the game.”
Van Winkle, Van Winkle, Baby.
Denver Nuggets and Cincinnati Bengals aren’t the only celebrities clogging the nation’s jails. “Robert Van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice, was arrested and booked into the Palm Beach County Jail on Thursday” for domestic battery.
I mean, really… “Vanilla Ice” was bad enough, but “Robert Van Winkle?”
High school game of the week
Wednesday night, Fluvanna County (VA) 8, Madison County 7. I actually can’t give too much of a summary, because I observed this game as the plate umpire – it was my first full game action. It was weird for this longtime baseball fan to follow a game from this perspective. You see, at umpire school, we never worked more than half an inning at a time, and sometimes not even that. We would be thrown into situations: “Okay, runners on 1st and 3rd, one out. Go.” At the time, I mused with other students about how much easier an actual game would be, where play develops naturally.
After Wednesday’s experience, I understand the method to the Wendelstedt school’s madness. I could not tell you, even after having been intimately involved in the game, exactly how the runs scored. I remember most of the individual plays, but not in which inning they occurred, or even which team was at bat at the time. Before each batter stepped into the box, I told myself the situation. All previous events in the inning were irrelevant, and thus forgotten in order to focus on the here and now. And, I was well-prepared to approach the game in this manner.
I felt like I worked a solid game behind the plate. I am comfortable with all of my ball-strike calls except two – I got fooled by a good curve ball that I called inside, but which on reflection I realize nailed the inside corner; and I called a ball outside that probably should have been a strike. What’s interesting, and simultaneously comforting and worrying, was the reaction of my partner to my game. He agreed that I did well, and that I probably missed only a few pitches. He approved of my strike zone, which he called “tight.” AARRGH! I always thought I had a loose zone. I wanted to call as many strikes as possible, to keep the game moving, and to keep the batters swinging. I know I missed those two, but I thought I called both low and high strikes, and I thought I was careful to call strikes on pitches even if they barely nipped the black of the plate on the way by. But I was “tight?” That’s the worst curse that the Nachoman can place upon an umpire! What happened?
What Mel, my partner, explained was that he liked my zone because it was straightforward and predictable. He claims that many local umpires take the mandate to “call as many strikes as possible” too far, giving pitchers six to eight inches off the plate. The pitchers become used to this enormous target, and then consider any nearly-rulebook zone to be “tight.” Okay, I guess I can live with that. I want to be a pitcher’s umpire, but I don’t want to reward bad pitching. I do know that, even though I called the vast majority of my pitches correctly, I got “tunnel vision” too frequently. (“Tunnel vision” occurs when an umpire sees a ball most of the way to the plate, but then fails to follow the last few feet of the ball’s path into the catcher’s mitt.) I’ll work on that.
Aside from the balls and strikes, I had only a few other calls, mainly straightforward fair-foul decisions. One play at the plate was bang-bang, when I called a Madison runner out on a relay from the first baseman. I was in correct position, saw the tag on the runner’s shoulder before he touched the plate, and so I made the call. Of course, the Fluvanna fans cheered, the Madison fans jeered. The Madison coach was not pleased. He politely but very firmly objected, contending that the runner got his hand on the plate before the tag was applied. (Some Madison fans shouted that he missed the tag, a clearly ridiculous statement.) But this is what a partner is for. Half an inning later, Mel strolled over and told me that he was sure I had it right all the way. Boy, did that make me feel better. I mean, I was pretty darn sure I got it, and I didn’t back down under the coach’s questioning. I didn’t NEED Mel to give me that moral support. But, he sure calmed me down. I think it would have been nice to hear from him even if I had blown the call… just hearing an unbiased, definitive opinion about my decision let me put the matter to rest.
One more amateur umpire update
Those readers who devoured the Nachoman’s running diary from Umpire School might remember Dan, the Toronto native who is an arctic aviation expert, proficient in Inuit-style hunting and outdoor skills,[5] and a successful freelance writer.
Well, Dan writes in that he went to a clinic to get his Ontario Umpire Certification. There, he taught the clinicians the correct interpretations of many rules. Based on his strong performance at the clinic, he was asked to work a showcase doubleheader at Skydome where the best high school players perform for major league scouts.
Says Dan: “During the plate meeting I took my place on the 1st base side and heard nothing that was said as I looked around at my child-hood team's baseball field from the dirt circle. I then trotted out to my position as the team took the field.” He reports that he adjusted quickly to the three-man system, despite the fact that he had never practiced three-man mechanics before.
Dan earned a number of “boo”s when he called two baserunners out on pickoffs; he went into the outfield to call a number of “trouble” balls. Behind the plate for the second game, he settled in well, despite the pitchers’ 90 mph heat and nasty curve balls. He’s looking forward to his regular season schedule, when he will work 6-8 games a week. Now that’s a good way for a freelance writer to occupy his spare time.
Would anyone under the age of 30 get it?
Carrie Muskat, mlb.com beat writer for the Cubs, has been deluged with mail since suggesting that newly appointed closer Kerry Wood should have his own theme song. In fact, the mail was so voluminous that Ms. Muskat told her readers to knock it off in this week’s Cubs Mailbag. She summarized the reader choices for Mr. Wood’s theme, including “Enter Sandman” (claimed by no less than two other major league closers – come on, Cubs fans, let’s have some originality here!) and the “Super Bowl Shuffle.”
The best choice from the fans came from two separate proposals that the Woody Woodpecker theme play as Mr. Wood enters each game.
Okay, that’s clever and all. I actually don’t object to closers jogging in from the bullpen while personal anthems play over the PA system. I suspect this phenomenon began when Charlie Sheen entered to “Wild Thing” in that great baseball movie from the late 1980s, Major League. If such shenanigans get the crowd riled up, get the closer’s blood boiling, well, far be it for a crusty fart like me to complain.
I do object, though, to the process involved here. “Let’s make Kerry a theme song!” says a beat writer. The fans rush madly to the polls; presumably, the Cubs promotional department holds focus groups and ideating sessions next. Eventually, a song is chosen by the fiat of a committee.
That’s not right. Nicknames, theme songs, and other baseball rituals should grow organically. Had the organist spontaneously played the Woody Woodpecker theme song one night when Kerry Wood entered the game, and had Mr. Wood earned a tough save on that night, well, the organist may well try the same thing the next night. Or Mr. Wood himself might ask to hear the same entrance music that “made” him so successful the day before. That’s how superstitions work, folks. They are not the product of corporate groupthink.
Two Cincinnati what-ifs
During Reds-Cubs Tuesday night, Thom Brennaman related a story about Lou Pinella’s departure from Cincinnati that I had not known before. Apparently, back in the early 1990s, Marge Schott had instructed her general manager to begin working on a contract extension for Sweet Lou. Except, Mr. Pinella thought that he should have been offered said extension much more quickly than he was. At some point, while the contract was actually in the works, Mr. Pinella gave up, packed his office, and shortly thereafter was managing the Mariners.
What if the evil Ms. Schott had satisfied the fiery Italian’s ego, and moved more quickly to re-sign him? Mr. Pinella spent most of the 1990s turning around the moribund Seattle franchise, turning them from pajama-clad jokes into Ken Griffey-led regular season monsters whose only major fault was failure in playoff series. Could Mr. Pinella have helped the Reds win more than one division title since 1990? Could he have prevented the 2000s nosedive of this once-proud franchise? One never knows. But, he sure as heck would have done a better job than Ray Knight, Jerry Narron, Dave Miley, and Pete MacKanin. Okay, granted, much of the trouble resulted from a demonic owner, an incompetent GM, and pitchers who couldn’t find the strike zone with a 60’6” pole. But it’s fun to wonder what, if anything, Lou could have done.
This story becomes act II to the more famous Cincinnati sports coaching what-if… In the mid-1970s, Bill Walsh, the developer of the West Coast Offense, coached under Paul Brown for the Bengals. When Brown retired from coaching, he did not choose Mr. Walsh as his successor. So, Mr. Walsh left for the West Coast. He helped develop Joe Montana and the San Francisco 49ers offense of the 1980s, winning four Super Bowls of his own (two in victories over the Bengals), and leaving the reins to George Seifert for a fifth.
What might have happened had Mr. Walsh remained in Cincinnati? Would Kenny Anderson, all-world quarterback and former baseball coach of the Nachoman, have been able to win a few Super Bowls? Would the Bengals, not the 49ers, been the team of the 80s? Would Mr. Walsh have been able to convince Mike Brown that he (Mr. Brown) knew nothing about football talent evaluation?
Surprise pitcher of the year – so far
The Nachoman had the fortune – or, more often, MISfortune – of following pitcher Ryan Dempster while he was with the Florida Marlins. I was going to ten Marlins games a year or so back in the late 1990s, and it seemed like Mr. Dempster pitched in half of them. I got used to seeing him walk five per game, and going to a 3-1 count on the rest of the batters he faced. After I moved from Florida, I returned to my roots, and tried to root for a terrible Reds team which (not coincidentally) had picked up Mr. Dempster. He seemed to get worse every time I saw him: nibble, nibble, nibble, couldn’t find the strike zone with a 60’6” pole, even though his 95 mph moving fastballs would blow away any hitter who bothered to swing.
Well, in his first two starts for the Cubs this year he looked nothing like the Ryan Dempster I knew. He walked two batters in each game, and gave up only one run.
Beware the small sample size, though. In Tuesday’s start against the slumping Reds, he walked five in six innings, and gave up four runs. If the Reds had any hitting ability, they would have scored many more. Now, I’ll give Mr. Dempster a bit of a break, since the wind was blowing out at Wrigley for this game. And, of course, because he won the game. A pitching coach might say that ESPECIALLY on a power-friendly night like Tuesday, it’s crazy to put people on via the walk – way too many of those walks are likely to come home via the home run.
A note for the NachoGrandpa
NachoGrandpa has always loved to see athletes who have serious academic credentials – masters degrees, serious college majors as opposed to “leisure studies,” and folks with diplomas from elite schools.
The Nachoman’s favorite pitcher outside Roy Oswalt has to be World Series starter Jeff Francis, who was a physics major in British Columbia before he started his professional baseball career. Perhaps I have found the NachoGrandpa’s new favorite pitcher: Nelson Figueroa, Mets starting pitcher, is from Brandeis.
Umpire of the week
I’ve always been a fan of Laz Diaz, whose commanding presence[6] and large strike zone keep a game moving and under control. He made an excellent call Thursday that initially baffled the Nationals announcers. With stolen base threat Jose Reyes on first base and one out, Ryan Church foul tipped a ball into the catcher’s mitt. On his backswing, Mr. Church hit the catcher’s glove, preventing him from throwing to second base. Mr. Diaz immediately called time, and sent Mr. Reyes back to first base. The ruling: backswing interference. No penalty, other than sending the baserunner back to first base. Mets manager Willie Randolph came out briefly so that Mr. Diaz could explain the ruling. Viewers saw Mr. Randolph mouth “backswing,” nod his head, and return to the dugout.
Update about last week’s Memphis-Kansas voting
Last week, the Nachoman discussed the state-by-state election returns voting who would win the NCAA basketball title. I said, "Worldwide[7], Memphis led 59%-41%. Only four of Kansas’s border states and the Dakotas believed in the Jayhawks. Oh, and, for some reason, Alaska."
The Ribbie Reporter, expert on all things Kansas, responds: “Ah, that reason is simple. Unlike Alaskans Carlos Boozer and Trajan Langdon, who both went to Duke, Super Mario (he of the Sports Illustrated cover and KU legend) left the frozen north and came to Lawrence to play ball.”
Which Stadium did the Nachoman miss?
I got some of the toughies: For question 8, the quiz showed only a façade that said “Memorial Stadium,” and asked just which Memorial Stadium, exactly, this was a picture of. I correctly selected that this was Nebraska’s memorial stadium, though I’ll admit that spending one week each year for eight years residing within a few hundred yards of said stadium helped the identification considerably. I also recognized Texas A&M’s stadium, even though I couldn’t see the “12th Man” writing on the façade in the picture provided.
I missed Comerica Park, which I misidentified as Safeco Field. The NachoGrandma will probably flay the Nachoman for this mistake, as the skyline of Detroit – where the NachoGrandma grew up – is obviously in the background.
Next Week…
I will probably still be at my desk, sleepily waiting for the Nationals or the Mets to score a run. If this game ever ends, perhaps on a bases loaded walk, I may be able to muster the energy to write again next Friday. You see, I wouldn’t want to disappoint my reader.
NM
P.S. I was almost right -- it ended on a bases loaded wild pitch.
[1] What else is new, says Burrito Girl.
[2] Bill James suggests that a team’s winning percentage can be predicted merely from its runs scores and runs allowed. This is called the Pythagorean prediction because the formula includes some squared numbers. All you need to know is, a team that outperforms its projection is likely overrated, and vice-versa.
[3] Yes, I’m sure that many Royals fans root for the Jayhawks’ blood enemy, the Missouri Tigers. But allow me to speculate wildly anyway, please.
[4] No.
[5] But, as he would tell you, not anywhere close to as proficient as the Inuit themselves
[6] He was formerly a member of the Marine Corps Reserve
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