Umpire School moves rapidly toward its end. We have only three more days of instruction: Friday, Saturday, and Monday. Sunday we are off, as usual; Tuesday is closing day. We are free to leave on Wednesday. A quick update on recent and upcoming events follows.
The staff is in the midst of plans for Tuesday’s annual student game. We have been divided alphabetically into two teams who will actually compete against one another. The six-person umpire crews, which will change every half-inning, will be announced shortly. Additionally, the captains of these teams must consummate two trades before Monday. We have been warned to expect “shenanigans” at this game. The two stories we heard about last year’s game: (1) One team sent an experienced division I collegiate pitcher to the mound. He was ejected after one batter, because the umpires found a pair of scissors carefully (but not THAT carefully) hidden behind the mound. It is not clear whether or not the opposing manager, AAA umpire Peter Durfee, may have planted the infernal tool. (2) The game’s outcome was decided in the last inning when the defensive team successfully appealed batting out of order.
I got my graded incident report back.[1] I earned a “check”. I was dinged for using the word “incredulously,” and for a couple of irrelevant or unclear statements. Dan and I had to laugh… the two professional authors had their writing critiqued by a professional umpire who pronounces “carom” as “car-OOM.” Not that we dispute the criticisms that were leveled. Most of the red marks on my paper were thoroughly appropriate. I might write books and blogs, but I don’t yet know exactly what a league president really needs in an incident report.
I probably screwed up my chance at a professional baseball job with one pump of my fist yesterday. With Harry Wendelstedt watching my work at the plate, I called ball four on the leadoff hitter. The hitter knew he was about to be screamed at, because we have been told repeatedly and emphatically that hitters are NOT to take walks. So, as I was saying “ball four,” the batter swung. I didn’t see this swing, as I was (correctly) staring right at the ball in the catcher’s glove. The hitter protested, “but I swung.” I heard one of the instructors holler angrily and sarcastically, “he called ball four, so go to first!” My brain didn’t function; I wasn’t clear about what was happening. In a real baseball game, I would have had no moment of angst – I called ball four, go to first base. If the defense wants to appeal, I’ll just ask my partner, but the batter is not allowed to tell me what he did or didn’t do. But here at Umpire School, considering the implication that thumbscrews await those who take walks, and thinking that the sarcastic instructors are telling me not to allow the walk, I pumped my fist in the signal for a swinging strike.
Well, I looked like an incompetent idiot. Now the instructors turned on me – “Why did you just signal strike? Did he swing or didn’t he? You called ball four, right? What’s going on?” A flummoxed umpire is not an umpire who is in control of the game. I only made one significant mistake the rest of the day, but I could almost hear Harry shaking his head in wonderment at the poor dumb sap who can’t even call balls and strikes.
Good thing I had my conversation with the chief instructor that day already… In the last week of school, each student is asked whether or not he or she would accept a job in professional baseball if asked. I had to say no – not only am I contractually obligated to return to Woodberry to teach for another year, but I can’t see myself making such a dramatic lifestyle change at my age and with a family. Of course I knew that going in, that Umpire School was merely a lark for me rather than an entry point for a major league job. But still, it hurt a bit to have to turn down a dream job that probably wouldn’t even have been offered to me.
Tuesday night we get our final evaluations, and the twenty or so umpires who will progress to the minor leagues will find out who they are. Until then, three more long days of work. Stay tuned.
[1] A few days ago we observed a staged argument, and our homework assignment was to complete an “Umpire Incident Report” about that argument.
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