“Situations”

On Saturday, it rained unexpectedly. The original plan for the day was to umpire a multitude of high school games, but the rain made the plan a bit less exciting: take a multitude of tests, instead. We took four tests, covering interference, obstruction, balks, and other things. While the change of plan made many classmates anxious and antsy, the Nachoman took solace in the respite granted his legs. While I waited for my classmates to finish each test, I caught up reading the December issue of Physics Today – I read articles about the scientific study of snowflakes, terrain mapping with lasers, and a well-researched history of the Copernican Revolution.[1]

The bad news is that I missed another question… Bases loaded, runner from third steals home, but is hit by the pitch in the batter’s strike zone. Unless that’s strike three for the third out, the run scores – I knew that. But what I didn’t remember is that the runners advance. Well, I know now, just in case that ever happens.

Four tests took us two hours. After lunch, we went to the Penthouse Lounge[2] to view some “situation” DVDs on the big screen. “Situation” is an umpire euphemism for “all heck breaking loose and you might have to kick people out of the game.” We saw numerous “situations” involving our instructors, and we got the inside scoop about what the managers and players were saying during the arguments. At each ejection, the crowd of Umpire School students erupted in cheers.

Some of the fun clips:

We saw a crazy play between the Cubs and White Sox in which obstruction was called and enforced properly, but the umpires let the play develop too long before calling time. That made Ozzie Guillen angry because he thought he should have earned two outs on the play, but really he earned no outs. Joe West threw Ozzie out. Instructor Eddie Hickox had third base that day. He earned perhaps the biggest cheer of the afternoon when the replay showed him call the obstruction properly, then with perfect timing, turn his head to watch the runner touch third base.[3]

Someone had uncensored footage of Earl Weaver going after an umpire twice his height. Earl looks like a miniature poodle trying to have Relations with a Labrador Retriever. He uses intense language, going on for about eight minutes while the umpire tries to walk away. A funny part of that video is the scoreboard clock, which reads 7:39 when Earl walks in front of it. The game was a 7:35 start.

Instructor Peter Durfee had video of the Caribbean World Series game 7 in Puerto Rico. He was behind the plate. The first base umpire (correctly) called a Puerto Rican player out at first base. The player went after the umpire and was immediately ejected.[4] That led to the fans showering the field with ice, cups, and bottles. The teams and umpires cleared the field while drunken fans ran the bases waving Dominican or Puerto Rican flags. Order was restored after about 20 minutes, and the game was completed.

Old-time American League umpire Ken Kaiser took the law into his own hands one night in Chicago. The first pitch of the game hit him in the mask, because the catcher didn’t get his glove up high enough to catch it. We were told to listen carefully… Mr. Kaiser called the next pitch “ball two” while the ball was in flight. Same for “ball three.” “Get your bullpen warmed up,” Mr. Kaiser said to the Sox bench, leading to an ejection. “You guys can NOT do this sort of thing!!” Hunter Wendelstedt commanded with a smile.

What we did not watch was video of the AA manager who made a spectacle of himself, pretending to lob grenades at the pitching mound, the night Brent (our instructor) had the plate. I suspect that’s being saved for another rainy day.

Many of the plays we saw Saturday were not situations, just unusual plays that were called properly. For example, we saw a pitch lodged in the catcher’s equipment (runners advance one base). We saw interference by a runner going to third base on a popup. We saw umpire interference on a catcher’s throw to second. In virtually every case, we listened to ignorant announcers give their ignorant opinions about what they thought happened, provoking rude and derisive laughter from the crowd of umpires.

And then, we saw a three base award.

Remember the three base award? I frequently use this as a trivia question. The only situation in baseball in which a player is awarded THREE bases is when a defensive player contacts a batted ball with detached equipment, i.e. he catches the ball with his hat, or he throws his glove at the ball. I also frequently joke that no broadcaster in baseball knows any rules at all, let alone this one… except for Vin Scully, who knows everything. In fact, I made such a reference merely days ago in this blog.

Sure enough, it was a Dodgers game from 2005 when a pitcher threw his glove at a humpback line drive. As soon as the glove hit the ball, without even waiting for the umpire’s call, Mr. Scully was on top of the play. “Oh, my,” he said. “And this will be that rarest of calls, the three base award. I’ve always known about it, but I’ve never seen it. The batter will be credited with a triple… I’ve seen all kinds of things in baseball: no-hitters, perfect games, World Series, and more, but I’ve never until now seen the three base award.”

[1] It was NOT the church who first opposed a heliocentric universe, it was fellow astronomers. At the time of publication, Copernicus’s theory didn’t have any better observational support than Ptolemy’s. It was only after Tycho Brahe’s observations revised and corrected planetary data that Copernicus’ became unambiguously the better theory. And it was only after Protestants made a big deal of accepting heliocentricity that the Catholic Counter-Reformation branded it as heresy. (At first, Catholics supported Copernicus, while Martin Luther spoke out against his ideas.)

[2] No, get your mind out of the gutter… the Penthouse Lounge is on the top floor of the hotel with a panoramic view, and it’s just a bar with several big screen TVs. We were warned as we headed upstairs that the lounge was open, but NOT for us.

[3] You see, student umpires tend to struggle to remember to watch touches of bases, and Eddie is absolutely intense in drills about us seeing touches. Woe be it to the student who fails to see a missed base with Eddie on the field!

[4] The player later denied making contact with the umpire, though on video, it sure looked like the player has a different definition of “contact” than the rest of us.